There I was fishing like Steven hawking

04/18/2020 at near 05:15 in the before sunrise portion of the day. Two cups of coffee later.

 (Edit- 04/18/2020- In yesterday's post about Coronavirus testing ,  One of my friends EP pointed out to me I made an error calculating the math statement. He said " Only 1 in 5 tests given are testing positive. Mathematically that means that we have tested well over 3 million people. No other nation on earth has been able to test this many". I was wong, and apologize.) 

My daughter (the oldest turd)  has been bugging me to tell her the story about how I was Steven Hawking and The Fly all at once while fishing one fine summer day, and full disclosure she is being egged on by my so called ass of a friend PJ who threw me under the over loaded bus and then giggled her ass off when I told them both to SHADDUP. My daughter has been hounding me to tell her this story ever since. Here goes.

Anyway, as you may know I am sorta, kinda, a tiny little bit handicapped disabled now  by my inability to move anymore like a regular human being. I use a cane and a wheelchair to get around now, due to the muscular disease I have called "Charcot Marie Tooth Disease" , link - https://www.mda.org/disease/charcot-marie-tooth ,  it is a withering nerve and muscular disease that among other issues causes your legs to lose most of its muscle mass from the hips down, causes you to not really have foot control anymore especially with your ability to hold your feet up and level so you have a tendency to drag your feet. I drag my right foot more pronounced than my right, and I wear spring loaded Ankle Foot Orthotic braces built into my shoes to help this. It does a lot more, but you get the idea. I also have worthless knees , ankles and a back that almost can't hold me up anymore and no ability to grip anything or hold on to shit.

 I can stand for about 5 minutes and walk for about 25 feet and then I'm done and am looking for a seat.

Anyway, PJ invited me and took me fishing one fine summer day. We went to a river setting about 50 miles from our house and she did all the work setting us up, lugging our crap down to the river about 100 yards away and I meandered my big butt down the path (took me about 30 minutes). We sat up and started to fish, PJ was wandering back and forth because she can walk, and I was planted next to a tree , on my butt in a big foldable camping chair. Time went on. we were not really catching anything because the river was pretty low, it was pretty hot and well , the fish just were not really biting. I had casted about 20 times or so, caught the tree and the bushes a few times and was about ready to give up for the day. I was hot , so I reeled in my lines , put my tackle away, and went to reach for my water (or maybe Powerade I don't remember).

I bent over towards the tree a little tiny bit while still seated in this chair (because I can't get out of the damn thing by myself anyway) , and the chair started to collapse, very slowly it started to just fold in on itself and I thought to myself, I said "Self, this is gonna be a problem", and I knew it was me because I heard me say it.

So anyway, as the chair starts to fold in, I start to try to stand or at least stop the stupid thing from collapsing, and it just sorta went sideways , in slow motion, and settled in with me trapped in the chair, my fat ass crammed in next to the big ass tree, unable to move, unable to get up, unable to extricate myself , and PJ is 15 feet away just fishing away , cast, cast, cast, cast, cast. she has not a care in the world. I'm just laying there, not hurt, I just can't move. I'm looking at her expecting her to turn around, but fishing is life so to hell with my entangled, crumbled butt.

Turns out I couldn't really breathe either because when I went to say "Hey PJ can you give me a hand", my lungs were a bit compressed and all I could muster was a tiny voice that sounded in my brain just like Professor Hawking and I said "Help me". She said it sound like Jeff Goldblum in the Fly when he said the same thing so that is how the story became known as the "Stephen Hawking sounds like the Fly" story.

So anyhow, I had to say it a couple of times because she couldn't hear me, and when she did hear me I think she absolutely wet herself laughing at my fat ass, laying on the ground, tangled in a camping chair, crumpled against a tree , going "Help me, Help me". She did help me up eventually , and I thought she was going to take a picture of me laying there before she did, but she enjoys telling this story, truth be told, later I found it humorous as well.

So I'm limping back in to watch TV, there's your damn story, for all eternity.
I'll bet the grandkids laugh their silly heads off at this one.

After while crocodiles,

BigMike