Life as a Crash Test Dummy

Nerd alert...

Star Date : 04.13.2020 06:02:27 in the Alpha Quadrant

Beam me up Scotty, there does not seem to be intelligent life here,

I try to be a good friend, and in my mind I  really do. Sometimes I fail because I can't understand or interpret the signs and signals that are right in front of me, often times I have let so much time pass that the relationship (the friendship) has gotten stale or grown cold or some other malady has occurred, and I didnt see it happening. Everyone tells me I am the absolute worst at returning telephone calls. In this regard I am a Bum. I've had friendships die that still saddens me because I did nothing to prevent it. Sometimes they were not friendships and I never understood that.

It takes real effort to have friends. Cultivating friendships is much like growing plants I think. You have to have a secure environment, one that attends to the friendships needs of both people, you have to nurture it and you have to occasionally give it attention or like a plant, it may wither and die from a lack of attention.

Also in this equation is the notion that both people have to understand what the friendship is built on. I'm the kind of person that you don't have to talk to every day, I don't need a daily watering to keep a smile on my face if somebody says your name. Other folks need a lot of attention, you can't forget to call them, you can't forget their birthday, you can't forget to cal them or they let you slip down the scale until the connection sorta withers. I hate it when that happens. I never see it coming. I have a very good friend (or three) , that I can call or text whenever it strikes me and we pick up right where we left off (JL, SM, DC) like time hasn't passed and then something will come up to remind us that time has passed and I'm almost always stunned by that. No shit ? Three years? No way. WTF.! You have Grandkids now? What the hell!!

Life on this planet gets more bizarre every day

1. Last evening and through the night we had storms. SONOFABITCH we had storms. It rained like crazy, occasionally sideways rain and the wind was making crazy ass noises. We have big old pine and cedar trees that go down one side of my property and you could just hear the cracking and popping noises. It was nuts. I'm sure Brian will be picking up tree branches for days this week. Scared the hell out of the animals and humans that live here last night. We survived and it looks as if we have no damage at all but man it was scary.
   
   We had lots and Lots of wind, rain, thunder and lightning for about 6-7 hours. One of my dogs, my little Jack Russell gets so scared during a thunderstorm and last night specifically that he will come in and put both his front paws on my lap like I am supposed to hold him if he jumps up, while I am sitting on the toilet. He doesn't have a problem with the human being half naked, or the water underneath, but he wants HELD dammit! He shakes so bad and is so scared I think sometimes he is going to vibrate at just the right frequency and poof ! he will blink out of existence. He will be of of those Nine egotistical egotists easing in and out of existence.
2. There is a Geico Ad (for renters Insurance) running right now that has a couple talking about how they love their new apartment . it has a lovely view, its the right money, blah blah blah and then he says "It has a clogging problem", the scene cuts to a family living above them that clogs (dances like tap dancing) while they do everything making a shit ton of noise, as if you are just supposed to say "Oh well, that's life , whatcha-gonnado?"
   
   New Scene :
   Knock Knock : BANG BANG BANG (with force -  with a baseball bat)
   Clogging idiot answers the door, "Can I help you"
   Me : "What in the hell is wrong with you bunch of idiots? Don't you not understand there are people living under you?, -louder "DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF SCHMUCK THAT IS JUST GOING TO IGNORE THIS. DAMN IT. STOP IT.
   
   YOU BUNCH OF DUMBASSES, HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF COMMON COURTESY. IF I HAVE TO COME BACK UP HERE I AIN'T GOING TO BE NICE ABOUT IT", muttering walking away - "Jesus H. Kickstand Christ on a crutch  how can people be so goddamn stupid....continues muttering". I would not advocate doing this if you can't stand getting punched.
   
   It's not real good and real friendly this is how you get along with your new neighbor advice, however it usually works. I've never had to go back a second time in 40 years of neighbors. Especially after they have heard me and my son going at it.
3. I have been called just about every name you can think of. I have a knack for inciting riotous behavior in people. You would think a 250+ pound guy with a bad attitude standing in front of you would inhibit folks from being obnoxious. But sadly, no people just don't believe you will act. See That's the problem. Most people would not. They play percentages.I have never been one to suffer fools or put up with shit so it's really stunning the look on someones face when this large person just goes exponentially OFF on their ass. You should see the mouth drop open, it amazing really. I've acted out too much in my life and it is a wonder I haven't been shot, or stabbed, but the honest truth is it doesn't worry me, it never has.
4. A friend of mine told me (MA) that I was a crash Test Dummy. He was right. I have a big mouth, I can take a punch and just in general don't give an enormous crap. I do try to consider others feelings until I get pissed off that is. I once got suspended while working as a restaurant manager, because of my temper. This man came through the front door and slung a bag of food that had some chili in it directly at me, splashed it all over my shirt (he was like me yes).
   
   My clean, long Sleeved, White Button down Oxford style shirt and tie, with CHILI all over me, he was talking, however I didn't hear him. I had already grabbed a bun board , jumped the counter and went after him calling him a slew of incestous nasty names. A couple of my employees tackled me and he got away. A customer called the office and complained. My boss accordingly then, suspended me. I protested and said "I was defending myself, he threw chili at me, what would you have done?' He said don't misunderstand me, I would have beat his ass, that's not why you are suspended.
   
   He said "Can't have you talking like that , we are a family restaurant."
   
   I enjoyed my three days off.
5. Here is a very surprising factoid for you.
   
   Believe it or not I do not argue with my wife. We have been married since 1998, I have known her since the 70's, and we have never really had an argument. You know why? I told her "I do not like to argue, I get too mad and say things you won't like, I don't fight fair, I fight to win, I will say things in anger that I can't take back". I said "Just say whatever you you want to me in the calmest voice you can muster, I promise to listen. And then I kept my promise. Somethings are just that important, some promises MUST be kept at all costs. She is the best person I have ever met and is the happiest circumstance I've ever had.
   
   Someday I will tell you about the time I married her with a towel in the back room of a Steak 'n Shake, right before I kissed her and shocked the crap right out of her. It was a blast.
   
   Another day however.
   
   See ya wouldn't wanna be ya,
   
   BigMike