One ping only Vasily, Give me a single ping

6:20 a.m. on Wednesday April 08, 2020

Dear Fellow weirdos and followers of weirdos,

There is a great Movie I just love called "The Hunt for Red October" from a book by the same name written by Tom Clancy. If you know it, then you don't need or even have to agree with my synopsis, however It's one where Alec Baldwin plays Jack Ryan and it has this great scene where the Captain of the Russian sub says the words in the title to his second in command. Great story, great Movie, weird that one of the worlds great scottish actors (Sean Connery) is playing a Russian  sub commander. Also fairly seamless how they switch from Russian to Scottish English in mid sentence in one scene and if you're not paying attention you just might miss it.

I'm one of those people who will latch onto a movie and if I happen to Like/Love said movie, will watch it over and over and over again, memorize the dialogue (ask my wife), quote dialogue at every opportunity (again, ask my wife) and will drive you insane using movie quotes and dialogue in everyday conversation until you are exasperated (again really ask my wife, she'll tell you, as justification for shooting me) and then drop a pop quiz on you asking "What Movie is that from?", non stop until you roll your eyes, sigh repeatedly and then with high drama will leave the room. Or at least she used to.

Now she worries the crap outta me. She knows every single one of my movie lines. She can finish my movie quote sentences for me. She doesn't roll her eyes any more, instead she now searches her brain looking in her mind's eye for the right movie to go with the dialogue I just blurted out so she can just say it and blunt my forward momentum. It's getting to be the scary because  I have to dig the deepest I ever have in order to get a quote over on her. I mean deep.

I have not yet resorted to cheating by using Google as a resource and planning in advance , however I'm not far away from it. She got a reference to "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" the other day and she HATES Sean Penn and that movie. It's right up there on the Porky's stupid list as she absolutely loathes the sophomoric stupid ass humor. I'm going to have to come up with strategies man, I don't know what else to do.

Please don't ask me to have normal conversations, I will be exposed for the inept  fraud I am.

The new word of the day is "SNOTBOX" 

1. Yesterday I learned there is a coronavirus death in America about every 45 seconds. Maily this is due to the high number of active cases and our huge population, however my immediate reaction was just "Yikes".
2. A story in the news today reports that when Boxer Mike Tyson, the 80's baddest man on the planet, (hell he still might be , I don't want to find out), was married to TV start Robin Givens, he rented out a zoo (The Bronx zoo maybe?) for the day while it was already closed for some reason. While touring the zoo he observed a silverback Gorilla "bullying" the other weaker , smaller Gorillas (allegedly).
   
   After this observation he supposedly offered a zookeeper $10,000 to open the cage and allow him to either fight the gorilla or to just punch him in his face , I was never clear one which one. Allegedly he said "I offered the attendant 10K to open the cage and let me smash him in his "SNOTBOX", however he declined". I'm not sure but the Gorilla may have escaped something there.
3. Is it just me or am I the only person who goes to bed at night only to go to work at a job I had from about 1989-1994 or so? I wake my wife up talking shit about being a restaurant manager , giving direction, talking to customers, hollering at "Dick to get me something from the back room." and other nonsense. Clear vivid memories from 27 years ago of bussing tables, taking out the trash, unloading supply trucks, the intensity of Lunch and Dinner hours , the phone ringing off the wall, all that stuff. Then I wake up tired as hell from working so damn much and can't go back to sleep and it 4 a.m. and time for my fat ass to get up anyway.
   
   Rinse, repeat , day after day. The only changes are sometimes the locations are different and occasionally the brand or the job is different. Sometimes I'm an assessor, sometimes a truck driver (all true jobs), sometimes a district manager. Work , work, work and amuse my wife , who is laying over there listening to me talk trash all night. It is damn goofy I tell you.
4. I am starting to wonder how we lived this long as a species , considering all the lawyer ads on TV that keep coming up talking about how the jobs or activities we had, may now mean we are owed compensation by somebody or some organization. Asbestos, Talcum Powder, hearing aids, Mesothelomia and on and on.
   
   Someday I can hear it now "Were your feelings ever hurt or did you develop an ass-rash from a meme you were exposed to on Facebook or Instagram or other social media ? If so you may be owed compensation if you were not offered a safe space to cry about it. Call us now at 1-800-Butt Hurt
5. I installed a solar powered battery charger to the battery on my jon boat. I'm going to mount it today. The battery will never be left uncharged again. I am so smart. It will probably blow up knowing my luck, but cha know. I named my boat "Dain Bramaged". Kinda fits don't it?