Marketing and the art of the sale !

OK. I'll be the first one to admit, in order to use the rest of this article as any basis for conversation, you are asking marketing genuises to not put their best product foot forward. They get paid to make you think you absolutely have to have their junk or their service and you will not be a fit human being without it.

Here's the issue as I see it.

Most Marketing is a big fat lie. They (ad agencies) call it sales techniques.

I call it lying to sell Junk.

It's not a stretch, it's not a fib, it's not a shading of the truth, it's a big fat lie.

Here's why I think like that.

1. Yelling the name of a car or product or dealership 74 times in the course of a commercial along with the phone number, does not create urgency in the mind of the consumer. It does not create "impressions". It just invites the gullible to buy a product that they now cannot forget even if they wanted to. Similar to having a song stuck in your head.
2. No one really has a shape anywhere remotely close to the shape of any supermodel or anywhere close the shape of any magazine model or porn star. Out of all the women I know, not one of them has ever spent $100,000 on the necessary plastic surgery it takes to create this illusion. The problem is that our daughters think they are "fat" when they don't look like some surgically enhanced, photoshopped, airbrushed version of the real person.
3. It does not matter if you call in the next ten minutes or 10 hours. You'll still get the same deal as anybody else who calls in from their trailer park to order the junk they saw on the informercial at 3am. The technology does not exist which allows ad agencies to control call centers based on when a commercial ran in your time zone on your cable outlet. Also on a related note: If a commercial says "Wait, that's not all- we'll double your order, etc", then the crap you are ordering is not worth anywhere near their "value price" in the first place. When they say "that's a 75$ value", what they really means is we tried to sell it for 75$ and nobody would even come close to this junk for that price so we had to cut the price in half in order to sell it to you. Guess what? The markup is still more than 99%. Plastic caulk edgers can be made from any cool-whip lid for nothing. Molded plastic, while not free, is never worth more than a couple of cents by the time you see it on an infomercial.
4. Just because it says "New and Improved" on the box, does not mean the product is new and improved. Most of the time, the packaging is what is new and improved. Anytime you see these words it really means that the manufacturer had to figure out a way to raise the price somehow, so they reduced the amount in the container by 1% and increased the price by 5%. Now, that is a new and improved box and a new and improved price , and the product is "Old and the same". Don't fall for that one either. Their is really no value in the words "Lifetime Guarantee" either, unless it is from one the three companies that will probably be around in ten years. If you buy a widget from "Aqueduct sales" with a lifetime guarantee, it will not help you when they go out of business 2 weeks from now. No company= No guarantee. Put the guarantee on a box and take a dump in it. You will then have a guaranteed box of crap.
5. No One has ever ran through a meadow of three foot tall grass into their lovers arms. Too many stickers, burrs, insects, uneven ground and broken glass. Nobody ever runs through a meadow with freshly washed hair, only to have it get all hot and sweaty and need to be washed again to remove the junk in it from the sweat.
6. The offer you saw advertised on TV at the car dealership has never been used or offered.. No one ever gets Cash back. The money is added and applied to the price of the car. There is no deal. the price of the car was increased by the amount of the incentive in most cases, Or they want a bigger down payment and have a higher interest rate than you want or the "bank" wants the payments extended longer, or you have to buy an extra warranty. There is no DEAL. There is no "Boss" in the back approving your car deal or purchase. The salesman went to the candy machine. They leave you sitting in the room with the door closed on purpose to make you sweat, to get you to be emotionally invested in the car. Walk away, fast. . Come back in an hour and ask if they are ready to really deal. You will get better results. Trust me
7. No matter how cool it may look on TV, trust me, never and I mean never, dance your way down a NY city street looking at your shadow, while listening to your music device. It is an invitation to a mugging. And you will look stupid.
8. A very low percentage of people who join the military (like less than one half of one percent) ever get to fly an airplane, command a large ship, fly a jet, fire a major weapon system, carry a cool sword and dress up in the cool blue uniform. Most of the time you join, you work your butt off doing mundane things, you wait and then you get out. Nobody ever climbs cool mountains all by themselves, flies a jet for the fun of it, or just applies to be a sub commander and walks right into the job. All of those jobs are taken by people who have dedicated their lives to being the best at their craft as they can be. You will peel potatoes and empty garbage cans just like you would be doing in your home town, only you will do it in Podunkviklle aboard a ship somewhere or on a remote base in a hostile country.
9. There is not a product made on this planet that will get red kool aid out of white carpeting. No matter how many times Billy Mays says so, OXY-CLEAN or whatever junk anybody is selling on TV, the red stain is there to stay even if you had a towel and some of that crap ready as soon as you spilled it. The are only three methods for getting it out. One, the carpet must be treated with a stain blocker like scotchguard or something like it, Two, Cover it up with a throw rug (or try to bl;each it out and when the first two fails(and they will, believe me) , replace the carpet. Same for magic glue (yeah right), 50 machine washings, The last car polish you will ever need and any of the rest of the junk in this category. Two words. Barbie - Unrealistic. Two more words . GIJOE- Gay.
10. A mop is a mop. A broom is a broom. A spray nozzle is a spray nozzle. Nothing they do to it and no color they make it will ever make it worth $19.99. Ever. Even if they say order in the next ten minutes and we'll double your order for free, keep in mind that they are selling a plastic broom handle, with plastic bristles for $10 each. It just ain't worth it. No air purifier is worth three easy payments of 69$. Why would you pay $300 for a fan ? A rubber tip on the end of a rubber broom don't make it worth $29.95

'Stars" and their problems

Lately, there has been a lot in the news about so-called "stars" and their associated problems.

• This one is getting divorced
• That one is in rehab for drug abuse (insert addiction here)
• This one has been arrested
• That one has a car accident
• This one drops (or almost drops) a baby
• That one had a motorcycle accident

Now, like anybody else, I feel somewhat sorry that people (in general) have problems. I am not a mean spirited person. Not one atomic piece of me has total ignorance of the problems in the word. But, and this is a big but, why should I care about what happens to some rich media created playboy or girl?

Some big contract athlete making way too much money has a problem and somehow I am supposed to need to pray for them to recover, get better or rediscover their center?

Give me a break.

I have my own set of problems, just like you do and because I am neither rich nor famous, no front page stories are written about me or anyone I (or you for that matter) know, when life beats the crap out of us.

Who cares? And why in the world should I give a moments thought to any of it.

There is no need to worry about "stars" and their problems.

Either they will figure it out, like we have to, or they will pay someone to figure it out for them. There is a luxury we don't have. My family doesn't have a team of lawyers at the ready waiting to solve our problems. I'll bet neither does yours.

In an era of hundred million dollar contracts for athletes and multimillion dollar contracts for movie stars, and 300 million dollar CEO's, I am supposed to waste a breath thinking about Ken Lay, or Ben Rothlisberger, or Jessica Simpson or Brittany Spears or any of them?

Not very damn likely. Michael Jackson will keep grabbing his crotch no matter what I do, his sister will keeep showing the world her boobs at every opportunity, OJ did get off, athletes are basically out of control all over the world and the flakes in Hollywood will be as flaky as ever and nothing I do or say will make one damn bit of difference to the outcome.

So who cares?

I didn't watch OJ, I could care less about the Enron or MCI executives and the stupid moron who rides the fastest motorcycle on the planet, without a helmet, is nothing more than a rich organ donor if you ask me.

You want to feel sorry for someone, feel sorry for the families and victims of these idiots.

They are the ones that have to answer all the stupid questions. - bigmike

And now ....the news !!!

This just in : (and these are actual uncredited news stories)

Somehow all of this junk qualifies as Top News on 06/15/2006. I don't get it.

None of this junk is news.

WARNING - If you are looking for real opinion or real facts in this post, you are wasting your time. There is satire and sarcasm in these stories, mostly supplied by me.

FYI- The satire is not factual, although, based on the content of the stories, it probably could be.

• President Bush makes fun of crippled reporter. Film at 11. (Go figure !!)

President Bush, who often teases members of the White House press corps, apologized Wednesday after he poked fun at a reporter for wearing sunglasses without realizing they were needed for vision loss.

It is reported that the President changed his nickname for the reporter from "Tall guy" to "Oopsiee". This has been unverified.

• George Washington is going to haunt a Starbucks?

The historic Maryland Inn, a fixture of Annapolis since the 18th century when George Washington was a customer, is likely getting a 21st-century Starbucks coffee shop.

It is reported that the Starbucks is being built at the request of the ghost of George Washington who is reported to have said " There is just no good way to get caffiene in here, because I am dead". This is also unverified.

• Funds for Iraq run low. The 20 billion given to Irag so far may run out within months.

Time and money are running out on the US-directed reconstruction effort in Iraq.
The main conduit for American rebuilding aid - the Iraq Relief and Reconstruction Fund (IRRF) - is scheduled to close at the end of this year. Almost all the cash Congress has allocated for the fund, some $20 billion in all, has been spent, or will be, in coming months.

A senior Iraqui official said on Wednesday that " We have done the best we could with the funds we were given. After all with the price of explosives being so high, it is very hard to stretch a dollar and make good IED's nowdays on the money of yesterday. Everything is more expensive that it was under Saddam. Even the avergae cost of a bribe to the ministry of wasting money is up 200 % since 2002". This is unverified as well.

Man, I am just so underwhelmed with the quality of reporting and the content of the news. No wonder most people under 25 think "The Daily Show - with Jon Stewart", is a real news show.

Scary Customer Service Facts

Here are some scary facts about what poor service can do to you or your business.


Knowledge is power !

• Most business people think they have few dissatisfied customers because most do not complain.

1. Think of your own record as a consumer and as a complainer. How often have you been dissatisfied with a product, a service, a meal in a restaurant, or a wait in line?
2. How often have you complained to the management, the manufacturer, or the retailer?

• A recent study indicated that the average business never hears from 96 percent of its unhappy customers.

1. While 96 percent of the unhappy customers do not complain to you, they do let off steam and spread their dissatisfaction with the product or service.
2. They complain to other customers and potential customers -family, friends, associates at work and anyone else who will listen.
3. They feel wronged and frustrated and want to talk about it.

• For every complaint received the average business has another 26 customers with problems, at least six of which are serious.

1. Customers who have problems and complain are giving you a chance to keep their business.
2. An unhappy customer cannot be kept quiet. However, you can regain their support-by solving complaints quickly.
3. These customers may not only come back, but it will give them something positive to talk about.
4. Surveys show that you can win back between 54 and 70 percent of these complainers by resolving their complaints.
5. According to consumer surveys, a person who has had an unpleasant experience with a business will tell 9 or 10 other people.

• Approximately 13 percent will tell more than 20 other people.

1. This negative word-of-mouth can be very harmful to a business.
2. In today's complex marketplace more and more consumers are basing their purchasing decisions on the advice of people they know.
3. Results indicate that up to 95 percent of this group will become loyal customers again if their complaints are handled well and promptly.
4. An unhappy customer cannot be kept quiet, However, you can regain their support-by solving complaints quickly.
5. These customers may not only come back, but it will give them something positive to talk about.

• It is 13 times more expensive to attract new customers than it is to keep your current ones !

A copy of these facts and more like them are at the University of Michigan Extension and can be found at : http://web1.msue.msu.edu/msue/imp/modtd/33209845.html

WE Love Wal-Mart because (let me count the ways)

This post is my anthem as to why I think Wal-Mart has lost their focus and is now nothing more than a big ole cash register, and that is all they seem to care about.

They are a money machine and a stock price, an ROI if you will. Nothing more and nothing less. The cha-ching is all that matters.

WE Love Wal-Mart because :

...Americans love to stand in long ass lines (on any typical night - not Christmas !)

...We love to be annoyed by the overhead speakers so loud and so frequent that you can't have a conversation with the person next to you

...We love the "bong bong " We're sorry ..security announcement and an old person pawing through our stuff to make sure we paid for it, because the security tag never gets de-activated by the over worked cashiers!

...We also love ignoring the announcement to see if the fat person at the door will get off her lazy butt and chase you down to your car and how many times they will yell "SIR" at you when you just don't respond to their screaming!!

...We love hearing the employees bitch about how rotten it is to work there because of the slavedriver management, and then also hear how they have "gotten them" with the latest scams to get even.

...We love to be treated rudely by red-shirted people who could give a crap less about those "annoying customers".

...We love to see one cashier for 35 check out lanes.

...We love to wait for 25 extra minutes at midnight because "The registers do this automatically, nothing we can do SIR !!!"

...We are thrilled with digging into a shipping crate 5 feet deep full of crappy DVD's in the middle of an aisle

...There is nothing better than dodging a cart full of speeding teenagers coming straight at you on Saturday night is there ?

...We need the exercise of dodging all the pallets and boxes stacked everywhere

...We like being run down by the stock people who move all the pallets and stock around

...We love arrogant managers. I like being told "I just don't understand".

...We love walking 5 acres back to our car after they locked the door we came in two hours ago, (and we stood in line for an hour of that time)

...We are thrilled to have a cashier tell us what we have to do with products that are bought and paid for

...We like being called "Sir" or "Ma'am" in the loudest voice possible by the fat person sitting on their butt at the door.

...We love standing in line (twice if you smoke) to get gigarettes in the 10 items or less line and then being told they won't ring up your other stuff because you have too many items in your cart, even though the only line you can buy them in is the 10 item or less line.

...Americans just adore a good stiff stupid corporate policy !!

and finally the number one reason we love Wal-Mart


...We adore playing "obstacle course" driving around the 500 shopping carts all over the parking lot while one scruffy teen-ager with a cart machine tries to wrangle them all with a cart machine 6 city blocks long.

What's not to love ? I mean 20 acres of shopping a whole afternoon killed and you get to experience a whole different culture in your own home town ?

Finally somebody got it right !

Finally someone says it right !!!

You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.

So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is, so they would know when they found one:

An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German,Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese,Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage,Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses. An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American is from the most prosperous land in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person the pursuit of happiness.

An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need.When Afghanistan was overrun by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country. As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.

Americans welcome the best, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the least.The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty,welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America.

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom.

Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American. Pass this around the World.

This is why me and Wal-Mart don't get along !

Me and Wal-Mart in my town have a long history (mostly an unfriendly one) and maybe I am a bit overbearing about it, but ..... and I do mean but, they are a global multinational company that wants you to believe that they have good products, policies and service. Their marketing would have you believe that they are a bunch of down home country boys and girls just looking to sell stuff to us folks at good prices. What a load.

Here is but one small missive of why we do not get along.

Stop being so customer unfriendly and get in your stores to see what the affect of the polices you put into practice has on your customers, not to mention your employees.

Here's 5 good ones. I could not believe this, all in one night, again. I hate to gripe, however I can't believe you want it to be this way.

If you don'twant it to be that way, do something about it. My assumption is that you want it to be this way, or it wouldn't be.

5 Reasons why me and Wal-Mart don't get along !!!

1. Cigarettes are only available in one line. OK. I get that. Then you made that line 15 items or less. Smooth moronic stupid move. Now if you want groceries and intend to buy cigarettes, you have to stand in your long , slow lines twice. If you don't really want to sell cigarettes, get out of the business. If you do want to sell them, dedicate one line for that item only (or drinks or gum or end caps stuff whatever or a kiosk). But to purposefully piss people off , and then blame it on the government is insane and a chickens*** way to do business.

2. This store is a Supercenter. Act like it. You have , what ?, 25 check out lanes? I've never seen more than 6-7 open. Ridiculous long lines always. Frustrated cashiers. Pissed off customers (including me). Put some of those folks who are walking around doing nothing to work helping customers get out of your stores. Open check out lanes on demand. Be flexible and customer friendly. Trust me, in this location, you are not. When every line snakes out into the aisles, open more registers. Cross train everybody to be service oriented. You need help here. They don't get it.

3.A box of discounted DVD's and Cheap DVD's is a good idea. Putting it into a 5 foot wide by 5 foot deep box is stupid. No one under 5 foot five can get into it. How can you sell them if you can't reach them ? How can we see what is in the bottom ? How many do you think you didn't sell, CAUSE YOU CAN"T GET TO THEM ! Geez !!

4.Have you ever heard of pagers? they were invented 25 years ago. Or walkie talkies ? Or cell phones? Do away with the extremely loud and very annoying overhead microphone system ! It is not `cache to not be able to hold a conversation with someone right next to you because the loud ass speakers over your head go off every two minutes. It really makes me see RED !

5.No cashier ever gets all the security tags to be turned off. I don't even bother stopping at the front door anymore when your official mechanical voice tells me to. Screw it. Train your people, get better technology, fix the problem, whatever it takes, cause I'll make you chase me to my car every time until you do.

The Service that Customers expect

Customers today are a pretty smart bunch. In the last 30 or so years a shift has taken place in the restaurant industry, which should be recognized and responded to.

One of the many major changes that have taken place is in the customer's service expectations. Customers have come to understand a pretty basic principle. "They need us a whole lot more than we need them. There is a tough amount of competition nowdays.

Customers today are better educated and better informed than at any other point in history. Specifically, they know a lot about the industry and they also know what it takes to get what you want. They have learned to "Vote with their feet" when the experience they have in any restaurant doesn't meet their needs.

If they feel like you neither want nor need their business, trust me, they'll go somewhere else and most of the time you will never know it because they will never tell you. They just simply will never come back.

Rising "BAD SERVICE" awareness has evolved into "BAD SERVICE" intolerance.

Customers just will not accept it.

Hundreds of chain restaurants are now operated in cities where only a dozen may have existed before 1960. With so much competition in our industry, it's not hard to imagine that customers think of some restaurants as "good restaurants" and some as "bad restaurants". They also know if you are one of the latter, they can and will go somewhere else to eat.

So, what are customers expecting you to provide every day, beyond the basics?

Forty years ago, it was revolutionary idea to have inside bathrooms and air-conditioning in your store. Today if you do not have these things, you also don't have customers. These were major marketing initiatives in the 60's and 70's and today they are minimum table stakes.

Without these, you don't even get to be in the game. Today's consumer demands you provide the basics just to get them in the door. They also expect to receive your undivided attention, outstanding courtesy and a pleasant place to eat. They care enough about atmosphere and a stress free environment that if it is not provided they just won’t come back. They understand that if you don't provide these things and exhibit a friendly "Glad to see you" mentality, someone else will.

This is our challenge. Make the customer feel like we are glad to see them, make them feel like we want their business and make them feel like we want them to return.

Keep these things in mind as you think about how your customers see you.

BAD SERVICE happens all by itself, GOOD SERVICE and good relationships with our customers has to be managed. It takes planning, real training and effort.

Marketing is not the answer unless you also deliver the promise. We can say we are "Committed to excellence" or strive to provide a "Spotlessly clean restaurant with a friendly environment", but if we don't also deliver on that promise, it will mean nothing.

It's not what you say; it's what you do that counts to customers. If you don't deliver on your promises, the results you achieve will reflect it.

Customers know when you are listening. They want to be able to talk with you about their experience. Most people just want someone to know when something went wrong. If you spend almost no time talking with your customers, you will never know how they feel about your restaurant. If you respond to a customer with a low level of concern and an answer full of excuses and policies, they'll know you weren't really listening to begin with.

Customers know when you are listening and when you are just making excuses.

The fact is all of us are consumers. All of us are affected by and make decisions about where we shop and where we eat based on these kinds of things. Every one of us could stand and tell a story about the last restaurant with "BAD SERVICE" that we just will not go back to.

Think about it and ask yourself one question. The answer will amaze you.


When is the last time you went anywhere and had too much GOOD SERVICE?

What is customer Service ?

30 or 40 years ago when you wanted service, you asked for it and it was delivered.

Not perfectly and not quickly, but you really had no other choice. Machines didn't wait on you in a never ending drive to improve efficiency, people did.

We were not "irrationally exhuberant" about getting a meal or buying shoes.

If you needed a suit, you went to a tailor and had one made or went to a mens store and had one fitted. If you needed to cash a check on Friday night, you went to a grocery store or a bar where they knew you and probably also knew you were coming. If you were hungry and were not at home, you would go to the local restaurant and sit down and get waited on, because that was the way things were , ....back in the day. Shoes came from shoe stores, Watches came from watch shops, sporting equipment came from sporting goods strores and every one of these places had one thing in common.

Can you guess what it was ? ......People waited on you and not machines.

Now days you can go to super WallyMega World, buy all of your stuff, pay for it at an automated checkout and never have to speak to another human being during the entire time.

They said when computers were invented and made popular that it would be the beginning of the paperless office. They didn't project it would be the end of human contact though.

Think about it.

You wake up in the morning to an automated clock radio, have coffee from an automated maker, read the news on-line or watch headline news, get in you creature comfort car with cup holders for your coffee, drive to where ever you work, talk on the phone all the way in to the office, answer voice mails, answer emails, fullfill request for your paperless time, zip through a drive for lunch where the motto is "service in 60 seconds or less !", eat , finish up at work, go to the filing station and pay at the pump for your gasoline, stop at the supermarket for milk and tonites dinner, pay for it at the automated self service cashier and go home, lock your car with the beeper on your key ring, see if your DVR recorded all your favorite shoes, pop pizza in the oven and you concievably could have went through this entire day with very little interation with any other human being ! We were efficient though weren't we?

Then we sit and around and bitch about how someone who served us at the restaurant we went out to on Friday night was "rude" to us. We do not even know how to communicate to one another anymore and we expect good service at restaurants?

How can I help you?

How can I help you? You ever hear these words in a restaurant or C-Store? You walk up to the counter or you sit down in the restaurant or call someplace and the first thing they say to you is "....How can I help you?" Then, in the flash of an eye, you get put on hold or interrupted or told "I don't handle that". Next !

Wait a minute, did you want to help me or not? I haven't even finshed explaining to you what it is I want yet and already you are yelling next ! Give a me the common courtesy of your undivided attention and try to figure out how to help me solve my friggin problem !

Why do people say things like this anyhow? It means no more than the usual "How are you?" greeting that you get from most folks when you first see them. If you answer this phrase as it is asked, they look at you like you just ran over their foot with their car. They don't really want to know, they just want to hear you say fine. Irks me to no end. You don't want to know , don't ask.

Here's another one. There are about 300 million people in the USA (estimate). Most of those people are born here, educated here, work here, vacation here, retire here and die here. Almost all of them speak English (in varying degrees). Yet, when you call some place, the automated menu says "To continue in English, press one". Like I need to know what language to speak in , in my own country?

I am not insensitive to non-English speakers. Whenever I can I try to learn conversational phrases in the language of the area in order to be able to communicate in the language of the people around me, or I take somebody who can translate for me. Why on gods earth then do I need the phone company to ask me if I want to continue in English?

Assume I want English, I live in America, ask If I want to communicate in another language. "To continue in Espanola, press dos". Seems pretty ignorant to ask the high 99 % majority of the people who call if they want to communicate in the predominate language in the country you are in. If I was in Japan, I wouldn't expect for the voice prompt to say, to continue in Japanese, press one, I would expect the message to be in Japanese, because I am in JAPAN !!! - duh!

You ask me , we have went too far to the left in our cultural sensitivity.

Oh I'm sorry, you don't speak English or you are deaf, don't worry, I'll talk louder !

Here is another stupid decision, where we are busy trying to be all things to all people and never to risk offending anyone with our products, goods or services.

I'll bet almost everyone in America has used a drive thru ATM. Most people have used them more than the inside of the bank. I am sure there is a segmant in America who has never used anything but an ATM. The access to the keypad is designed so that you can use it from your car. The drivers side of the car is usually the side you transact your business from.

If all of that is true, then why pray tell are there braille indicators on the keypads at a drive thru ATM? Who is ever going to use that particular function anyhow? Is this designed for the legally blind yet totally functional driver who will occasionally need to go to the ATM late one night who does not want to get out of the car because the seeing eye dog is afraid of the dark?

What the heck is this all about anyhow?

How did we become such a society of idiots anyhow?

Antonio Davis is within his rights !

In the article that appears today 01/20/2006 on AOL concerning Antonio Davis, Mr. Aschburner is just wrong. 100 % out to left field wrong. 0 % right and 100 % wrong. In my opinion, every sportwriter hack who takes this position is wrong also. Not to mention ignorant and goofy.


His argument, while grammatically correct, makes no logical sense. The incident did not happen in a vacuum. It cannot be viewed as mutually exclusive of the surroundings, the timing of the event, the time elapsed before security got there, the availability of security or their actual response time to the incident, not to mention his responsibilities and rights as a husband and as a man.

In order to follow the logic of his argument, he uses the player’s position, status, and past actions of other players to morally justify his point of view. In my view, his entire logic tree is built on a false foundation.

In the history of this country, virtually every court throughout time has recognized mans right to protect his life, property, domicile and the safety of his family as a fundamental right. This right exists exclusive of the surroundings.

Mr. Davis’ actions can therefore be viewed no differently than as if they had occurred in his own home, a shopping mall or basically anywhere he judged that his family "may be" in his view, in harms way. That judgement is entirely his to make as long as the action taken by him was reasonable in response to the force or threat that he perceived and could be viewed as a rational act by a reasonable person.

That has nothing at all to do with his status, wealth, or perceived power. It has nothing to do with his status as a professional basketball player. This is where Mr. Aschburner's argument loses steam. The facts do not bear out his point of view. He got to the incident from the floor faster than security did from the aisle. In his argument, basically Steve says, "He just should have let it go". In the words of my teenage daughter- "WHATEVER".

This is ludicrous and is a ridiculous assertion. Now the facts come into play, and for a moment, forget the "what ifs".

Ask yourself one question to get to the answer. Does Antonio Davis, citizen of America, have a right to protect his family or not from any and all perceived threats? Yes or No? If he does then no other questions need to be asked until you ask "Was his response that of a reasonable man, and was his response reasonable in response to the actual threat" If the answer there is Yes, then nothing else matters. Case closed.

I think that if he really wanted to he could sue the NBA and win the pay back from the 5 games based on those two points of logic alone. To advance any other position equates to saying that I or you (as a private citizen) regardless of wealth, status, position or power could not and have no right to protect your own family while in public.

That line of logic is why Mr. Aschburner’s arguments, while well intentioned, is baseless and emotional but not remotely correct. It abandons and abdicates my duty as a husband and father and says I should always let the police protect me.

That is not only a naive and dangerous position to advance, it also is in effect a direct affront to the Constitution of the United States. Specifically the right to self defense and probably the Fourth and Fifth Amendments to it as well as every state and common law covering the subject.

Parenting

An associate asked me the other day if I liked being a parent.

I told him that if "I could make a living being a parent it would be the best job anybody could ever have". The funny thing , unlike a lot of the normal back and forth that goes on everyday between people as you meet them and talk to them every day, I meant that one.

It is not like when somebody says "How are you ?", and the automatic answer is "Fine", "And yourself?". Its more like, testifying under oath, only you agree to do it with your hand on Gods shoulder and not just a bible.

I think the best thing I ever did and the things I am most proud of are my children. Weird huh?

I mean, I don't take responsibility for their accomplishments nor do I feel somehow accountable for their mistakes as an adult. Its not a "vicarious thrill" of living through my children that makes me proud, its the fact that even when they totally screw up they have the presence of mind to take responsibility for what they do.

After all, children are the exact same as adults, with a whole lot less life experience to base decisions on. Being twenty years older doesn't make me a supreme being, It just means I've had 7300 more chances to screw up and the next time something comes up, I have more instances of right and wrong to base my current decision on, in my view.

So talk to your children (once they are old enough to think for themselves) like adults. Expect them to be responsible for themselves and to be accountable to themselves first.

The approach is what matters I think. I have always said I am not raising children, I am raising adults.

After all, when I am 75 and old and infirm, they will be picking out my retirement home for me I'll bet.

-bigmike

Communicating with AOL (Impossible)

You know how every business web site in America (except maybe porn sites possibly) have a little link usually at the bottom of the page or near the top that says "contact us" ? Even my own person web site has a link that says "email me"

Well, don't try to find that little GEM at AOL.

There is no feedback that I can find unless you want to take a poll of questions that only they wrote that only applies to the problems they want to know about. Anybody with a problem can apparently piss off.

There is no mechanical way to write a person or a department, that I can find.

If you call them, you get India or Pakistan. Now no disparagement on those fine countries, but hey, remember me? America English speaking customer that I am ? I do not speak the language. I do not want to repeat myself 5 times only to say "What?" 6 times.

It pisses me off.

I don't care who answers the phone, just insist they speak English, Or the language of the country that you are doing business in , so your CUSTOMERS can understand your CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVES. I'm not racist or uni-cultural. I just want to communicate in a normal tone of voice and not get mad at the person talking to me because they have such a heavy non-American accent that I cannot understand them from the word hello. Is that too much to ask?

All of my friends criticize my decision to remain at AOL.

They have all since left.

Here's why.

1. It is almost impossible to speak with a live person who speaks your language.
2. There is no effective way to access specific help files.
3. The automated programs are intrusive, unreliable and assume AOL is the only thing ever going to run on your system. They are all resource hogs , every last one of them.
4. Their CSR's are rude and arrogant. They must have been trained by Wal Mart. You cannot know anything, I suppose that presumption is because you are an AOL customer, you must be stupid. It is the only logical line of thought that makes sense to me.
5. There are no customer service email addresses and even if there was or is, it is so well hidden, that you will not find it. If you find it, it does not work, if it appears to work , the link is broken. Start over. Back in the 80's we would have called this "GIGO", (garbage in garbage out"), they call it "software". It's crappy coding and it doesn't work.
6. When you do finally get through to a live person, the first thing they tell is "Hold on please", and you start all over because they are incompetent and hang up on you.
7. Newly introduced products, ie- their Netscape browser, the AOL video player, their association with real player, etc, NEVER work as advertised. NEVER. EVER. NOT ONCE. Not until you fiddle with it and make about 5 calls to the helpless desk. NEVER.
8. They are owned by a large corporation that cares about "metrics", stock prices, licenses, negotiations and culture. They could give a crap less about customers. They seemed to be bothered by customers. At least when we criticized Steve Case , we knew who to criticize. Hell, now it doesn't matter, because they belong to the Microsoft, Wal mart school. The one that says "Screw em first, ask questions later" and who cares. Ignore em and they'll go away. Fact is, we are.

In short, although I have been with them since about 1995 , since the first floppy disk versions of their software, I have had enough.

The main reason I kept them, was I didn't want to give up a long established email address. Now I just am tired of the money grubbing, non- responsive BS and am over it.

Feel free to tell AOL my story.

Good luck getting in touch with anybody who gives a rats ass. It's disgusting.

-bigmike

Politico-Speak is an ART form !

I am a student of politics. Don't ask me why, but I've always enjoyed knowing what in the heck is going on. Or at least, lying to myself and pretending like I know what goes on.

The one thing that interests me more than anything else is a politicians ability to take what is to anyone else mundane or minutiae and turn it into something huge. Then sometimes they take major things and turn it into "spin" which favors them or "spin" which makes their "opponent" look bad.

Then I figured out how they do it. Most (I know, generalized!) politicians nowadays are lawyers or have law school training. I read the other day that over 90 % of the Senate are lawyers. Go figure. So, during the two most recent Supreme Court nominations, I saw Republicans (http://www.rnc.org/) use charts and graphs to explain how Sam Alito is just like Sandra Day O'Conner (whom he is replacing) and saw Democrats (http://www.democrats.org/) use charts and graphs to explain how he is the direct polar opposite of her. Both were pretty convincing and both made good points. The thing that struck me though, is how pretty much all the time they spent (the politicians) talking during their allotted time in both hearings, was posturing. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.....No direct questioning.

Do these guys even know what mainstream is anymore? How can a millionaire lawyer have a clue what it takes to live from paycheck to paycheck?

48 years in the Senate (http://www.strom.clemson.edu/strom/bio.html) ?
It's not a job, its a lifetime appointment!

And they were worried about a judge ? Two words "TEDDY KENNEDY. He's killed more people than any other senator anyway. He does hold the record (http://www.ytedk.com/) .

But, I digress.

Why do we put up with this junk and why don't we throw the bums out?

The point is Tom DeLay says he stepped down because he didn't want to hold his party back and become the focal point of a nasty campaign. Where in the heck has he been for the last 12 years anyway? He stepped down because he got caught.

Bill said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." Anybody believe that crap?. His wife don't care.

One of my favorite comedians said that while riding a tour bus recently his wife asked him what a particular building was. He said "Well during the Clinton years honey, it was a "Hooters", but I heard that since George Bush came into office they turned it back into the Lincoln memorial........

Good old George said "Read my Lips, No New taxes".

Scooter Libby is the source? OJ got off didn't he. If it wasn't spit, you must acquit. ..No wait , that was Johnny Cochrans line not Bill Clintons lawyer, right? Sorry Miss Chaney this is complicatin' the issue ain't it ? To hell with it, "Bring 'em on. Mission accomplished.

Saddam has WMD's. Democrats said it too, but NO.........It's your fault, No its your fault, no its your fault... What a joke.

And now Humvees, fitted with armor, are overturning and killing more servicemen than IED's are?

There is no area 51 , if you believe the Air Force. It is a reflection from a weather balloon and the fog from hot swamp gas.

Next time I get the flashy thingee.

I just wish our politicians would for once do what we sent them there to do. Their job. Not one will speak straight English. John McCain is the closest you are gonna get. The rest of them count on the fact that no more than 30 % of us vote.

Of the 295 million people in our country:(http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/rankorder/2119rank.html) the USA

estimates say that less than 30 % vote in any election ( http://www.edgate.com/elections/inactive/how_and_why/).

Were roughly 50 % Republican, 50 % Democrat (or some flavor of either) with a smidgen of the anarchists, communists, etc thrown in for good mix. That means really that 40 million people or so control the destiny of the country. Really its just the ones who contributed. So really its a tenth of the forty million. More like 4 million control destiny.

Guess how many people in America have a net worth of one million dollars? You guessed it 8 million people. No really. Nah just kidding I made that one up. It's really only 7.5 million.

http://money.cnn.com/2005/05/25/pf/record_millionaires/

The politicians have doublespeak and the after life of "speaking fees". They sit on their thrones and invent new ways to spend money and when their hand is caught in the cookie jar, good old "Plausible Deniability" comes into play. It must be my fault.

After all, how can I blame this mess on the 206 and a half million eligible people in the fourth largest populous area who didn't vote to begin with.

They didn't put these bums in office. I did. I voted.

However I did because I only wanted to set a good example for my kids. So my Mayor is named "Jimmy", my Governor is named "Sonny", and Good old "Which way did he go George , which way did he go?" is the President.

Plausible Deniability. They been beating that one to death since Ike !

I wonder if my boss would buy that one.

Politicians are a tremendous waste of time

I don't get politicians. Seems to be a little crazy to aspire to want to be one. Our whole system is screwy if you think about it.

I mean, look at the whole thing in this perspective. The average politician in Washington (the ones in politics that are elected) makes about 125,000 dollars a year. The average term of office is about 4 years. The average political campaign costs about 12.5 million dollars to successfully get elected.

So their aspiring to office, to make 125 G's a year, and spent 3.125 million dollars per year in office just to get the job? And these guys and girls are in charge of my money?

And somehow I am supposed to believe that they are "Serving the public good"? I am supposed to believe they are serving me? I think I'll just keep believing they are all crooks. Somebody tell me you would spend that kind of money to get a job? And now I am not supposed to believe that the reason they are in the "game" has nothing to do with a political after life. I hear Bill Clinton gets $40,000 for a twenty minute speech. Sweet deal if you ask me.

Miners tragedy

Just a short note to express my sorrow and condolences for the families who lost their loved ones in the latest mining tragedy. What a waste. No sarcasm intended. - BigMike

Oh, holy Micro-holy-soft

I am just stupefied and annoyed at how history just keeps repeating itself. Take a look at the behemoth software giant beast Microsoft.

Actually nothing they do anymore suprises me. I have been working with their products (like the rest of the world), since there was only an MS-DOS and I just don't get it. Maybe I was never supposed to.

Here is the condensed story- In the beginning there was DOS and DOS was good. Even if it was really IBM DOS , it was still good. Then Apple was the threat. Not to worry, "Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated", and poof then there was Windows. Then the various point OH's of windows until we get to 3.1 for Workgroups and all was right with the world.

Except..... The code was buggy. Real buggy and slow. And we bought it and bought it and gorged ourselves on it until King Gates decided there was no more money to be made selling bugs. NT was introduced as the secure bug destroyer. "NT will kill the bugs ", said the King. And the NT bugs fed the virus and made the bugs healthy. A new industry was born, cattle ranchers, fed by virus riders. And the beasts stuffed themselves on all the products and the Office furniture until the bugs ate whole industries. Nah, the King said, "We near the new millennium, there must be a better way and the virgin Redmond gave birth to a son, Windows 95.

Except..... The code was buggy. Real buggy. And we bought it and bought it until King Gates decided there was no more money to be made selling bugs. Alas, though, we bought two huge versions of revised bugs, A first and second edition of bugs called 98. Slay the attackers, buy their houses, and throw them in the streets. "Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated", and the king ate heartily and bought and bought until the ministers said " Yo! King, you ate too much too fast, that's why you have the bugs. You must change and modify your diet. And the king took a tablet or two of X-Box to soothe his digestion. And all was again right with the world, for a time.

And all was right with the world, until one day, the advisors said" Whisper, whisper, King "..... Business says they don't like our two editions of 98 as it has bugs! And the King said "Let there be NT for everyone. And on the seventh day, while the world rested and hammers were being thrown at giant TV screens, this time in parody, The World saw the poor second cousin, Windows 2000. It was so buggy and poor; it couldn't even afford a driver. I know said the King, " Package it better, put better clothes on it like we did the emperor, and we shall call it "millennium" in honor of my reign. Sell them licenses and new packages and patches for their clothes and call it professional dress. And all was right with the world.

Until..... The salesman said, "The public doesn't like it King, we can't sell it, what shall we do?" and the King laughed and said" Let them eat XP cake, I have 50 billion dollars, what does it matter?" Sell them licenses and new packages and patches for their clothes and call it professional dress. And XP professional clothing was born. One day the advisors said, "King, the commonfolks are hungry what shall we feed them?" And the "King said give the masses a dose of X-360 and charge more and dress it up and make the marketeers responsible for it. Except the commonfolk didn't understand. What should we do with our prescription of X-regular you gave us only two weeks ago? Will our new medicine work in the new bottle? "Of course it will" said the King, for a price........(And if it was the popular pills and has a hard drive and has an X-Box livesubscription.) Other wise, sorry about your luck, medicine is not backwards compatible, unless you pay for it.

And then burst forth upon the screen, the White Knight Lindows on his trusty steed, Wal Spart. The fight goes on to this day with Lindows and Wal- Spart attacking and the King retaliating with the ultimate weapon of doom "The Longhorn", oops I mean "the Vista weapon".

See how silly this is? They make billions to write sloppy code full of bugs and we buy it. They just decide to stop supporting a product after a length of time, no matter that if the code were built correctly in the first place, it wouldn't need the support anyhow and it should last about freaking forever.

Then they release a new version of another product not really ready for market, which has to be patched to death in what are now called "Service packs" and we just keep on feeding this beast day after day, year after year.

Doesn't it matter anymore that the supposed reason for the so called patches, is that they screwed up the product in the first place and continually release new versions of more products before they have been tested?

If any other craft functioned like this we would shut them down. Or we at least wouldn't buy their houses they built.

Why do I need to (read have to), buy an antiviral program to protect my computer from faulty code that they wrote to begin with? Shouldn't the maker be responsible for the damage they create?

My mistake, I'm sorry. Oh, I forgot, the EULA say they aren't responsible because we opened the package. No matter that the EULA is on the software, inside the package and can't be read without opening it or installing the software first. Does any of this make any sense to anybody? (Who has not made a gazillion dollars as a lawyer)?

I wonder what would happen if we bought cars from them? You are driving down the street and a big red light comes on the dashboard and says "Engine fault" and it dies. Must have been because I used the wrong key and tires. Hope they weren't counting on my purchase of Vista to put them over the top. I'll just stay here in my professional dress until about service pack 86 I think. -BigMike

Dead guys don't have rights

OK. Now the newspaper guys have lost their friggin' minds ! http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article.adp?id=20050729091309990004

A newspaper writer (See the link to the story), who covers dirty politicians and such has been fired for recording a conversation with a politician who committed suicide shortly thereafter. They fired him for recording the conversation with the man, without his permission.

Two words. Huge story.

Two more words. Friggin' stupid.

Two additional words. No guts.

In their zeal ( read on the advice of guess what, a lawyer !) to appear ethically proper, they said he violated the law by not obtaining the mans permission first before taping.

Ridiculous rubbish. No violation can occur ex-post facto. The violation can only occur and can only be treated as a break with law if the man complains.

Obviously he can't do that because he is dead. Poof, bullet wound, departs earth. Bye bye now.

Sounds more like they are afraid of a lawsuit from the mans family and took the easy cheap out to protect their own butts. In this case, I am glad I do not subscribe to their paper, however I wish I did in a respect, so I could cancel on their candy-assess.

I can see it now . "Hello from CBS news. Our top story tonite, dirt is dirty and water makes it mud". Thats going to be the kind of reporting we see from now on. No tough subjects, no exposes, no digging in for the truth because No reporter in their right mind is going to stick their neck out anymore since all the junk has happened in the past month or so.

Has anybody ever really read the constitution who makes these kind of stupid bassackwards decisions? Sign the online petition and get behind decent journalism at http://www.journalistsfordefede.blogspot.com/

Hurricanes

I just hate the thought of another hurricane season. So many lives disrupted and so many news stories about damage and despair. So many mobile homes turned into tornado food.

Why does somebody build a million dollar home 200 yards off the ocean anyhow? I have a hard time feeling sorry for them. One big wave and whoosh, no house. Easy to see. Like living in house that leaks, the answer is "GET OUT" or better yet, don't move in , in the first place.

Yesterday in the news was a story about a 71 year old man who had lived in his house for 39 years , had no flood insurance, had never been flooded, and even though he lived in a big city (Atlanta) , he got flooded out of his house after a foot of rain fell. House basically destroyed, life shattered. Homeless after working his butt off all his life. He and his wife were OK, and they made it out alive , but still thats gotta suck. Now him, I feel sorry for. What a raw deal.

The moron who builds a house on the side of a mountain in California and gets clobbered by a mudslide or the guy who builds a big house in the middle of a forest and it gets burned down I have no sympathy for. Mountains slide, forest burn. Life goes on.

But a place that basically has never flooded gets inundated by a foot of rain from the leftovers of a hurricane and you lose everything in 20 minutes ?

Momma never said life was fair I guess.

I love driving with morons !

I just love driving with morons. They make me want to be fully awake and functional at all times. It is an absolute thrill to need to SLAM on your ABS braking system and make sure they work because some idiot wants to occupy the 6 foot space between you and the car in front of you during rush hour traffic. I have always wanted to see if my car could really dive forward enough to touch the bumper on the ground.

You haven't lived until you have driven in a major metropolitan city. I used to be a long distance truck driver for about 5 years and have drove in every major city the US has multiple times , New York city included as well as Los Angeles and Chicago and my opinion is the stupidest drivers in America live and drive in metropolitan Atlanta Georgia.

Every day I see men and women, talk on the phone, eat, shave, apply make up, write and also attempt to drive on the 6-7 lane interstate (any of them) while weaving in and out of traffic at speeds approaching 80 miles per hour , blissully unaware that the car spinning off into the grass behind them was not giving them a place to drive, they took it !

And they smile at you with the famous southern charm and wave and say Thank you. At least in New York or LA you knew they meant to put you in the ditch as they gave you the finger, waved a fist out the window, blew the horn at you for 10 miles or some other subtle sign that American drivers have to convince you that they are angry and you are their intended target.

Seems funny to me that in a city of almost 3 million or so, that there would be more cops than there are and enforcement would be tougher, but HEY ! If you've ever driven in Atlanta , you'd know the cops are the ones leading the pack !

-bigmike

London et al

Well now we have Spain, The U.S., Bahrain, Egypt, various island nations (Philippines etc), Baghdad , and now London and who knows where else to add to the latest round of attacks by the "other culture". And no, before you get all crazy about tolerance, acceptance and sensitivity I am not talking about Muslims. This really has nothing to do with Muslims.

My opinion is that you can be crazy and an extremist and be any religion or any culture and live anywhere. Shoot, we got our own brand of stupid right here or anywhere else , anybody ever heard of the Unibomber or Eric Rudolph (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4441239.stm), the I.R.A.? How about Timothy McVeigh or the abortion crazies? Crazy doesn't understand time zones, or dilpomatic solutions or need them. Tell me please what the difference is between a nut like Rudolph (who was bombing for his religion) and the latest flavor of crazy who thinks they go to heaven for it ? The only real difference is a matter of degree. One group burns a clinic, one blows up a federal building and the other three airliners, two office towers and the pentagon.

You ever notice though when they get caught, even though they profess to reject civilized methods of prosecution and our society that when push comes to shove they all "lawyer up" ?

The weak kneed and the extreme liberals seem to think if we negotiate and go through a bunch more diplomatic nonsense that we can somehow come to an understanding with these people. What would be the point of the negotiation ? What exactly is it we would be talking about with them? You can sit around singing "Kum-bay-yah", holding hands and praying for peace all you care to and the number of attacks and bombs won't decrease one bit.

Poor old London just keeps getting the crap knocked out of it decade after decade. Guess that gun control thing is a hit ain't it ? Nobody got shot, just blew the hell up !

I think we have to solve this by being a little bit crazier than they are. Yeah, I know, we don't want to sink to their level, but hey! If the price they would have to pay for their actions would escalate incremently as they grew bolder then would they have the nerve to continue ? It is reaaly too bad their isn't an "Al Quieda" city, so we could level it isn't it? Is this what is called heated rhetoric?

Rhetorically the issue really is international cooperation. If every nation on the earth said to them, "Start crap like this and here is the response...", and then would act on it we wouldn't have to put up with this nonsense. The price would be too high to pay. It'll never happen though because the N.I.M.B.Y. factor takes precedence. (Not In My Back Yard). Thousands more will die because we won't act as one. Politics and elections get in the way.

That is their one real advantage. We elect our leaders and they annoint theirs.

BigMike 

Somedays are just MONDAY !

Have you ever noticed that Monday can happen several times a week ? Irks me to no end when a day starts off like a normal kind of day and then , WHAM ! Monday sets in all over again.
(By definition MONDAY is the day of the week where nobody knows whats going on, everybody needs 5 minutes and you start off the day behind, no matter how organized you were before the day began!)