Just Play Nice, (fighting is a last resort always)
OK.
If you are responsible for you and for your own actions and you cannot lie to the person staring out at you in the mirror, then why do we fight with each other?
The cold truth is if you examine the rationale we use, the reasons are pretty stupid and the rationale is pretty thin. I suppose you could assign all kinds of conditional statements to this observation and make the argument that fighting is sometimes necessary and I would probably agree with you. For example, a soldier fighting for their country under orders to fight, is a valid reason. I can think of dozens of other examples to fight that are probably legitimate. I am not talking about any of those reasons however where you might say “What if ….you were attacked, you were being mugged, a stranger starts swinging at you, a large person is beating on a small person, etc, etc, etc.
I am talking about normal people beating the hell out of each other, verbally and physically, not criminals or gangs fighting for money, drugs etc.
Consider the following: According to the U.S. D.O.J, between 1998 and 2002:
- Of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members, 49% of these were crimes against spouses.
- 84% of spouse abuse victims were females, and 86% of victims of dating partner abuse at were female.
- Males were 83% of spouse murderers and 75% of dating partner murderers
- 50% of offenders in state prison for spousal abuse had killed their victims. Wives were more likely than husbands to be killed by their spouses: wives were about half of all spouses in the population in 2002, but 81% of all persons killed by their spouse.
Matthew R. Durose et al., U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 207846, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Family Violence Statistics: Including Statistics on Strangers and Acquaintances, at 31-32 (2005), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/fvs.pdf
We fight for stupid reasons. We fight because we can’t control our emotions. We fight because we think we are defending a concept (like the so called “respect issue), we fight because we have poor communication skills, we fight because we want to exert control, we fight because we abuse drugs and alcohol, we fight because we are taught to at an early age.
Here’s the thing.
Fighting usually doesn’t solve anything. Ever. Sure in a war, we may fight and win, but when is the last time you heard about a long successful marriage attributed to a series of good old knockdown drag-out fights? Fighting with each other is a choice. A choice we actively make and usually we lose in one way or another. Even if the fight is just an argument with no blows thrown, we lose. I may have no imagination, but I cannot imagine a scenario where my marriage would be strengthened because I was meaner and nastier than my wife was in our last fight.
Remember , you can always add to a conversation , but you can never take back an ugly insult thrown in anger.
Next : Give Money, Don’t loan it.
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