Being an enabler is about the same thing as doing the deed.
What is an enabler , you ask? Truth is it is not all that complicated, it is easy to explain, just hard as hell to personally accept..
Here is an example.
Say you have a spouse or child or relative or friend who takes about every penny they have and buys drugs or alcohol with it and then consumes said products (in quantity).
If they come to you and ask for the money, and you know they are going to buy drugs with it (or whatever), and you give it to them, knowing they are going to buy booze or whatever, then you may as well have bought the booze and poured it down their throat. You have become an enabler. You are their avenue to the funds used to purchase the products. Same thing applies if you give an arsonist matches, a teenager cigarettes or make excuses for someone and how they act with your permission. They are responsible for the act, you enabled them to act the way they did.
Don't confuse enabling with Love. You are not showing someone love by buying their addictions for them, they are not showing gratitude by saying thank you when you give it to them. You are hearing their addiction thank you and that is all. Your kid may throw a fit because you won't buy their cigarettes, however if they develop lung cancer will you feel the same way about it if you knew you provided the smokes? They will still get the smokes, they will still smoke, you will not have actively contributed to it in any way though. An alcoholic will drink whether you give them the money or not, they will find a way. Homeless poor ass people smoke every single day with no money at all , sometimes for days at a time, so it is a prime example of meeting your addictions creatively, with no one else contributing willingly to the problem. I've seen it. A homeless person will go to extraordinary lengths to get cigarettes if they really want them. I've seen them take butts from ashtrays in front of businesses, pick them up from the street and then plastic bag them to be re-rolled later in rolling papers and also straight panhandle them from complete strangers in order to "feed the need". Same thing with money for booze or drugs or anything else really. An alcoholic will suffer through whatever they have to suffer through in order to get their hands on their drink of choice.
There is a older guy ( in his 60's) who stands at the Interstate exit near my home about 3 - 4 days a week. He has a sign that says simply "Please help". I asked him one day what happened to the old sign he used to show which said "Will Work for food". He shocked me a little bit with his answer, however I think he was being completely honest. He said, "I don't really want to work, and I'm not really looking for food. I need money." What are you going to do with the money I asked? He said "Go across the road to the ABC liquor store and buy some beer and some cigarettes." At least he was being straight with me I think. I told him he should change the sign to say "I need money", because help is not what he was getting. He laughed. I asked him if he was hungry. He said he was because he had not made enough yet to go eat yet.I went across to the Wendy's restaurant and bought him a #3 combo and a drink and gave it to him. He asked me for some spare change. I told him, "I will feed your nutritional needs, I won't feed your addictions". The cool thing was he said he understood and didn't blame me and he thanked me for the meal.
I didn't want the guy to starve, after all this is
I'm not gonna be the guy who makes it OK for him to drink his life away though.
That particular problem belongs to him.
The question is ?... Are you an enabler? Me? I gave it up.
Next : Fantasy is never the same as reality.
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