The Preamble to the Constitution

WE THE PEOPLE of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Just some random thoughts I saw.....Funny stuff man !!!!

Here's a collection of random thoughts I saw the other day.............


What's the difference between a novel and a book?

How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?

If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?

If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do penguins have knees?

Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?

How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if
there was an emergency surely you would run through it?

Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up
anyway?

Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is
square like a kitchen sponge?

Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?

If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?

Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they
yell "chicken" they are insulting you?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?

Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?

Can you cry underwater?

If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?

Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?

Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the
song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the
cradle to the ground?

Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we
normally are?

If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?

Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause
Drowsiness?

Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?

If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?

When the French swear do they say pardon my English?

Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they
think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?

How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all
day?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?

Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction
with hell, is hell slow or fast?

If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving
size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?

Why is it when your sleeping it's called drool but when your awake its
called spit?

Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though
there are no known audio recordings of the man?

How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the
moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?

Could you be a closet claustrophobic?

Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?

Where do all the daylight savings hours go?

How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles
on in the dark and look at a mirror?

if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the
plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?

What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?

What shape is the sky?

If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking

Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com <http://answrtek.com/> my new business


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Monday, June 4, 2007

3d Pong is addicting !!



Click to Play!


Just what a brain needs thats been going all week long.

10 minutes of this and you'll be insane.

Put your high score in the comment section.

Anybody beat 21756 ? (Level8)

`- bigmike

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Educators forgot they are dealing with kids (in the United States of America), no less

Boy am I steamed !!
 
Nothing gets my ire up faster or more often than a self serving appointed official who starts making rules and enforcing penalties on people for being Americans and acting like it. Last time I looked this was the land of the free and the home of the brave. You know - Good old - Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, American Dream and all that stuff.  The land of freedom of speech and religion and peaceful assembly.
I wrote the following letter to two school officials and their school boards who decided they have somehow been magically granted the authority to withhold high school diplomas from deserving kids who put blood, sweat and tears into 12 years of effort , all kinds of silly pointless testing, and constant triple unnecessary overloads of both homework and fundraising into earning the diplomas for breaking some pointless obscure meaningless "rule" and pissing off some principal. In one case, 5 kids were denied their diplomas because people in the stands made too much noise. That's right, they didn't even commit the offense and they got penalized. Galesburg Illinois. Wonderful little town full of pompous folks who forgot that graduation is full of proud relatives and kids.  In order to receive their Diplomas later they must perform one day of community service.What a bunch of idiots. These people are a bunch of out of touch lunatics.
 
In the second case, the Frickin' valedictorian had his diploma withheld in Eagleville TN, because he said he would re-write a portion of his speech that the school administration did not like, and when he got up to give his speech he left it in and they turned off his mike and basically booted him off the stage and withheld his diploma. What gives them the right to infringe upon his civil liberties guaranteed in the constitution , because they personally did not like his comment? SO WHAT, BIG FAT HAIRY DEAL, GET OVER IT !  (By the way, the ACLU in Tennessee saw to it he got his awarded the next day with no penalty. Probably the only good thing the ACLU has ever done.) What these numb nuts fail to remember is they are responsible for and are teaching 18 year olds.
 
They are goofy, opinionated, dress funny and have crappy jobs. they skateboard, raise hell and play rap music too. Your gonna keep the valedictorian 's Diploma? The smartest kid in school ? Gee, I guess the losers who smoked dope in the bathrooms and the jocks who had sex in the gym don't have a chance do they? Boo- Hooh, sucks to be you ....somebody make you mad ! 
 
PA Announcer - "Thanks for coming everybody, graduation exercises are cancelled because a rule was broken, have a safe trip home. Try again next year"
 
I'd sued these idiots so fast the paper would have caught fire on its way to the courtroom. Evidently these lowbrow plant eaters don't think any of these things you will find in the US Constitution apply to students or to their rules ! My response to the brain surgeons who did this is below. Boy am I pissed about this !
 
Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 
****Message *****
 
Saturday June 2, 2007
 
Dear Sirs,
 
 
I am writing you today in response to the story I read about how one school district (Galesburg High School) has made the incomprehensible and I believe indefensible decision to withhold High School graduation diplomas from some students because of a violation in a policy asking parents and others attending graduation to not cause disruptive behavior etc. In Eaglesville TN, the valedictorian's diploma was withheld over some remarks not redacted as agreed in the graduation remarks speech.
 
If I were one of these parents I would mortgage my home and my future in order to sue each of you in Federal District Court to make you admit you are both wrong in the worst possible way to be wrong. This is how strongly I believe in what I am about to say.
 
Your Policies negatively affect every American and is offensive . I for one object to enforcement by withholding diplomas in the most strenuous terms. Without regard to your signed document, your policy, the behavior of parents and others or the desire to have the ceremony attended with dignity, or this kids non redacted speech , policies like these and their enforcement goes against everything this country stands for. One of the primary reason America exists today is because people from other lands wanted to live in a land where they were held accountable for their own actions and only for their own actions and they were accountable only under a systematic procedural and just rule of law.
 
In this country, as evidenced in the preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America , Americans are guaranteed Justice in regulation by their elected or appointed officials.  The Constitution in the preamble says " WE THE PEOPLE of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
 
Your Policies are indefensible in a court of law. Even though you are not Congress and these are not laws, you both are expected to adhere to the principles of this forming document as you make and enforce school policies. Your school rules cannot take fundamental American rights away from free citizens of the United States of America, and if they do they are unenforceable and are unconstitutional. Rules like these are no more valid than one which would make a student culpable of a criminal act committed by another unknown person. Fundamentally they are flawed and are not based on common law, black letter law, the Constitution, any state law in affect in Illinois or Tennessee and in the Illinois case, is not now supported by your State board of Education. You could no more enforce this rule than if you made a rule and had an agreed signed document forcing these kids to become Catholics instead of Baptists. Whoever thought these rules up and then decided upon their formation , language and subsequent enforcement needs a refresher course in American History, specifically the Constitution of the USA.
 
They are also in direct conflict to several Articles in the Constitution in the Bill of Rights :
 
  • Amendment I -"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; of the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
    • Your rule abridges freedom of speech.
    • Your rule abridges the right to peaceably assemble
  • Amendment V- "No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
    • No hearing.
    • No due process.
    • No compensation.
  •  Amendment VI- "In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.
    • Your rules afford no justice, no due process and are not impartial.
    • There is no hearing.
    • The accused in this case is not afforded the right to hear grievance.
    • No evidence is heard and no witnesses are examined.
  • Amendment VII- Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
    • Your rules are both cruel and unusual. Just google "Diplomas withheld" and as of today there are more than 533,000 English only web pages dedicated to this story.
    • It is big news in America and that makes it both cruel and unusual.
Please do the right thing and quickly abandon these policies and any like them and give these kids the diplomas they earned and deserved. This is not what you should be teaching our children. Public embarrassment and international humiliation are the only real after affects of your rules. You probably did not need the civics lesson , however for your edification I have attached a copy of the Constitution for your review.
 
Regards,
 
 
An American Citizen
(name and address witheld for the blog)

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The 1051 pound pig story - Hogzilla the sequel !

I wrote this letter to the kid from Alabama who recently shot and killed the 1051 pound pig. The internet is full of stories about this kid and true to the conspiracy theorists everywhere all kinds of crap has been written about him.

For reference just go look at http://people.monstersandcritics.com/news/article_1311699.php/Hogzilla_killer_is_11_year-old_Alabama_boy and http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,276386,00.html

He has gotten a lot of press (good and bad) from serious critics and kooks alike. His name is Jamison Stone and is 11 years old. ( hmmmm.... google search " http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Jamison+Stone&btnG=Google+Search" 82 English pages on the internet about him.

He has a web site where you can see the pictures and read some of the comments (supportive and just downright stupid ones) at http://monsterpig.com Most notably there is a kind of "kook storm" brewing about whether the pictures are fake or not. Easy to tell they are real if you just look at them. One ding dong named Rhonda Shearer of http://Stinkyjournalism.org tries to create a story out of nothing and make a name for herself on the back of this kid. She is supposed to be a responsible adult and should be ashamed for fanning the fires of this no brainer no controversy story. Was it Dire Straits or the stray cats who had the song ..."something for nothing"... Anyway the letter below is one I authored in support of this kid and sent to him at 'jamison@monsterpig.com'. Feel free to send him and email of support and tell him bigmike sent you.

I just could not let a story like this one go by without putting my two cents in the batch. Feel free to add your two cents as well.

~bigmike


Jamison,

I've read the negative and positive comments made about and to you about your hunt and kill of the 1051 pound pig. Post my comments (without the email address please) on the positive side. I have three things to say to you.

First- Let me congratulate you on your courage to stand and shoot during what had to have been a very scary moment in time. I can't imagine the sensations you must have felt and what was going through your mind being in the woods and seeing any animal (including one this extraordinarily large) within range of your pistol. You must have been very close, at least close enough to fell it with pistol shots. I do not think there are many people on the face of this earth that could have done what you have accomplished. Most I suspect (including me probably) would have ran the other way or hidden to stay out of personal danger. Take that message to mean that you have proven to yourself that you have the gumption and the guts to face down hard times and to stand tall in the face of danger. Many grown men I know would not handle such a situation as well as you did. You have a right to be proud. Remember that when one of these sissies writes you another misspelled redneck hating email.

Second - I cannot understand the hate mail you have received. I think it is best to describe it as abject stupidity. For folks who are writing to you to tell you some of the things they have written just shows how little they actually understand about the world they live in. Kids hunt, Kids fish, Some skateboard and so forth. They should just get over it. From where you live , I would suspect that a lot of people your age deer hunt. I just don't follow their logic. They preach tolerance for all living beings, about how we should be good stewards of the animals and then in the same breath say some of the most nasty things I've ever read anywhere to an eleven year old, wish all kinds of mayhem upon you and your family and they sign off the email with "God Bless"?. Screwy. Abe Lincoln once said " No man ever got lost on a straight road". Good advice if you ask me. There is no figuring out stupidity sometimes.

Third - Consider the source and the context of their comments. As I read them (mostly the negative comments), I think the people wrote these things are brain damaged or may need to be on life support right now. I cannot imagine they have any useful contribution to make when the logic of their arguments is so faulty. They hide behind the internet and say nasty stupid disrespectful and hateful things , and then want to be taken seriously as they profess to have an honest opinion on your accomplishment. Personally I think if you are committed to your ideals and passionate about what you do, I can respect your choices. You want to be a vegetarian?, Go for it. You are against hunting and want to not use a rifle, and substitute a camera in its place, I'm all for you. Go ahead and use one piece of toilet paper and eat your veggie burger if you want to, nobody is stopping you. You can't have it both ways however disingenuous as it may sound. While they wish you a fiery eternity in one breath, just remember that God will not excuse them from the nature of their comments because they said God Bless when they ended their tirade. Warping the word of God to fit within the tiny context they have scribbled out doesn't make them right, It just exposes their ignorance. The same idiots who write trash like this probably ate at Taco Bell or KFC yesterday. You see, it doesn't really matter the size of the animal in this context. I wonder if their arguments and vehemence are as ludicrous when they have a barbeque in their own back yard? Did one of these numb nuts say these kind of nasty hateful things to their grandfather on the fourth of July while they were wolfing down hotdogs? I wonder if they wished their own mother to die when she served fried chicken on Sunday ? The logic they use is circular and make no sense if you ask me.

Personally, If I were your father, I would let you read all the comments posted here as you have proven you have the will to understand what is written in the context it is given.

As the comedian Ron White said " You can't fix stupid".


Thankx,

Mike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Amazing coincidences

I don't know if any of this stuff is true, but it is interesting.!!
 
-bigmike
Check out HYPERLINK http://answrtek.com http://answrtek.com my new business
 
 
A falling baby, saved twice by the same man
In Detroit sometime in the 1930s, a young (if incredibly careless) mother must have been eternally grateful to a man named Joseph Figlock. As Figlock was walking down the street, the mother's baby fell from a high window onto Figlock. The baby's fall was broken and both man and baby were unharmed. A stroke of luck on its own, but a year later, the very same baby fell from the very same window onto poor, unsuspecting Joseph Figlock as he was again passing beneath. And again, they both survived the event. (Source: Mysteries of the Unexplained)

A bullet that reached its destiny years later
Henry Ziegland thought he had dodged fate. In 1883, he broke off a relationship with his girlfriend who, out of distress, committed suicide. The girl's brother was so enraged that he hunted down Ziegland and shot him. The brother, believing he had killed Ziegland, then turned his gun on himself and took his own life. But Ziegland had not been killed. The bullet, in fact, had only grazed his face and then lodged in a tree. Ziegland surely thought himself a lucky man. Some years later, however, Ziegland decided to cut down the large tree, which still had the bullet in it. The task seemed so formidable that he decided to blow it up with a few sticks of dynamite. The explosion propelled the bullet into Ziegland's head, killing him. (Source: Ripley's Believe It or Not!)

Twin Boys, twin lives
The stories of identical twins' nearly identical lives are often astonishing, but perhaps none more so than those of identical twins born in Ohio. The twin boys were separated at birth, being adopted by different families. Unknown to each other, both families named the boys James. And here the coincidences just begin. Both James grew up not even knowing of the other, yet both sought law-enforcement training, both had abilities in mechanical drawing and carpentry, and each had married women named Linda. They both had sons whom one named James Alan and the other named James Allan. The twin brothers also divorced their wives and married other women - both named Betty. And they both owned dogs which they named Toy. Forty years after their childhood separation, the two men were reunited to share their amazingly similar lives. (Source: Reader's Digest, January 1980)

Just like Edgar Allan Poe's book
In the 19th century, the famous horror writer, Edgar Allan Poe, wrote a book called 'The narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym'. It was about four survivors of a shipwreck who were in an open boat for many days before they decided to kill and eat the cabin boy whose name was Richard Parker. Some years later, in 1884, the yawl, Mignonette, foundered, with only four survivors, who were in an open boat for many days. Eventually the three senior members of the crew, killed and ate the cabin boy. The name of the cabin boy was Richard Parker.

Twin brothers, killed on the same road, two hours apart
On 2002, Seventy-year-old twin brothers have died within hours of one another after separate accidents on the same road in northern Finland. The first of the twins died when he was hit by a lorry while riding his bike in Raahe, 600 kilometers north of the capital, Helsinki. He died just 1.5km from the spot where his brother was killed. "This is simply a historic coincidence. Although the road is a busy one, accidents don't occur every day," police officer Marja-Leena Huhtala told Reuters. "It made my hair stand on end when I heard the two were brothers, and identical twins at that. It came to mind that perhaps someone from upstairs had a say in this," she said. (Source: BBC News <HYPERLINK "http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/1858721.stm"http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/1858721.stm> )

 
Three suicide attempts, all stopped by the same Monk
Joseph Aigner was a fairly well-known portrait painter in 19th century Austria who, apparently, was quite an unhappy fellow: he several times attempted suicide. His first attempt was at the young age of 18 when he tried to hang himself, but was interrupted by the mysterious appearance of a Capuchin monk. At age 22 he again tried to hang himself, but was again saved from the act by the very same monk. Eight years later, his death was ordained by others who sentenced him to the gallows for his political activities. Once again, his life was saved by the intervention of the same monk. At age 68, Aiger finally succeeded in suicide, a pistol doing the trick. His funeral ceremony was conducted by the same Capuchin monk - a man whose name Aiger never even knew. (Source: Ripley's Giant Book of Believe It or Not!)

Poker winnings, to the unsuspected son
In 1858, Robert Fallon was shot dead, an act of vengeance by those with whom he was playing poker. Fallon, they claimed, had won the $600 pot through cheating. With Fallon's seat empty and none of the other players willing to take the now-unlucky $600, they found a new player to take Fallon's place and staked him with the dead man's $600. By the time the police had arrived to investigate the killing, the new player had turned the $600 into $2,200 in winnings. The police demanded the original $600 to pass on to Fallon's next of kin - only to discover that the new player turned out to be Fallon's son, who had not seen his father in seven years! (Source: Ripley's Giant Book of Believe It or Not!)

A novel that unbeknownst to the writer described the spy next door
When Norman Mailer began his novel Barbary Shore, there was no plan to have a Russian spy as a character. As he worked on it, he introduced a Russian spy in the U.S. as a minor character. As the work progressed, the spy became the dominant character in the novel. After the novel was completed, the U.S. Immigration Service arrested a man who lived just one floor above Mailer in the same apartment building. He was Colonel Rudolf Abel, alleged to be the top Russian spy working in the U.S. at that time. (Source: Science Digest)

Mark Twain and Halley's Comet
Mark Twain was born on the day of the appearance of Halley's Comet in 1835, and died on the day of its next appearance in 1910. He himself predicted this in 1909, when he said: "I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it."

Three strangers on a Train, with complementary last names
In the 1920s, three Englishman were traveling separately by train through Peru. At the time of their introduction, they were the only three men in the railroad car. Their introductions were more surprising than they could have imagined. One man's last name was Bingham, and the second man's last name was Powell. The third man announced that his last name was Bingham-Powell. None were related in any way. (Source: Mysteries of the Unexplained)

Two brothers killed by the same taxi driver, one year apart
In 1975, while riding a moped in Bermuda, a man was accidentally struck and killed by a taxi. One year later, this man's bother was killed in the very same way. In fact, he was riding the very same moped. And to stretch the odds even further, he was struck by the very same taxi driven by the same driver - and even carrying the very same passenger! (Source: Phenomena: A Book of Wonders, John Michell and Robert J. M. Rickard)

Swapped Hotel Findings
In 1953, television reporter Irv Kupcinet was in London to cover the coronation of Ellizabeth II. In one of the drawers in his room at the Savoy he found some items that, by their identification, belonged to a man named Harry Hannin. Coincidentally, Harry Hannin - a basketball star with the famed Harlem Globetrotters - was a good friend of Kupcinet's. But the story has yet another twist. Just two days later, and before he could tell Hannin of his lucky discovery, Kupcinet received a letter from Hannin. In the letter, Hannin told Kucinet that while staying at the Hotel Meurice in Paris, he found in a drawer a tie - with Kupcinet's name on it! (Source: Mysteries of the Unexplained)

Two Mr. Brysons, same hotel room
While on a business trip sometime in the late 1950s, Mr. George D. Bryson stopped and registered at the Brown Hotel in Louisville, Kentucky. After signing the register and being given his key to room 307, he stopped by the mail desk to see if any letters had arrived for him. Indeed there was a letter, the mail girl told him, and handed him an envelope addressed to Mr. George D. Bryson, room 307. This wouldn't be so odd, except the letter was not for him, but for room 307's just-previous occupant - another man named George D. Bryson. (Source: Incredible Coincidence, Alan Vaughan)

Twins brothers, same heart attack
John and Arthur Mowforth were twins who lived about 80 miles apart in Great Britain. On the evening of May 22, 1975, both fell severely ill from chest pains. The families of both men were completely unaware of the other's illness. Both men were rushed to separate hospitals at approximately the same time. And both died of heart attacks shortly after arrival. (Source: Chronogenetics: The Inheretance of Biological Time, Luigi Gedda and Gianni Brenci)

A novel that predicted the Titanic's destiny, and another ship that almost followed
Morgan Robertson, in 1898, wrote "Futility". It described the maiden voyage of a transatlantic luxury liner named the Titan. Although it was touted as being unsinkable, it strikes an iceberg and sinks with much loss of life. In 1912 the Titanic, a transatlantic luxury liner widely touted as unsinkable strikes an iceberg and sinks with great loss of life on her maiden voyage. In the Book, the Month of the Wreck was April, same as in the real event. There were 3,000 passengers on the book; in reality, 2,207. In the Book, there were 24 Lifeboats; in reality, 20.

Months after the Titanic sank, a tramp steamer was traveling through the foggy Atlantic with only a young boy on watch. It came into his head that it had been thereabouts that the Titanic had sunk, and he was suddenly terrified by the thought of the name of his ship - the Titanian. Panic-stricken, he sounded the warning. The ship stopped, just in time: a huge iceberg loomed out of the fog directly in their path. The Titanian was saved.

A writer, found the book of her childhood
While American novelist Anne Parrish was browsing bookstores in Paris in the 1920s, she came upon a book that was one of her childhood favorites - Jack Frost and Other Stories. She picked up the old book and showed it to her husband, telling him of the book she fondly remembered as a child. Her husband took the book, opened it, and on the flyleaf found the inscription: "Anne Parrish, 209 N. Weber Street, Colorado Springs." It was Anne's very own book. (Source: While Rome Burns, Alexander Wollcott)

A writer's plum pudding
In 1805, French writer Émile Deschamps was treated to some plum pudding by the stranger Monsieur de Fortgibu. Ten years later, he encountered plum pudding on the menu of a Paris restaurant, and wanted to order some, but the waiter told him the last dish had already been served to another customer, who turned out to be de Fortgibu. Many years later in 1832 Émile Deschamps was at a diner, and was once again offered plum pudding. He recalled the earlier incident and told his friends that only de Fortgibu was missing to make the setting complete — and in the same instant the now senile de Fortgibu entered the room.


King Umberto I' double
In Monza, Italy, King Umberto I, went to a small restaurant for dinner, accompanied by his aide-de-camp, General Emilio Ponzia- Vaglia. When the owner took King Umberto's order, the King noticed that he and the restaurant owner were virtual doubles, in face and in build. Both men began discussing the striking resemblances between each other and found many more similarities.

a) Both men were born on the same day, of the same year, (March 14th, 1844).
b) Both men had been born in the same town.
c) Both men married a woman with same name, Margherita.
d) The restaurateur opened his restaurant on the same day that King Umberto was crowned King of Italy.
e) On the 29th July 1900, King Umberto was informed that the restaurateur had died that day in a mysterious shooting accident, and as he expressed his regret, he was then assassinated by an anarchist in the crowd.

The 21st, a bad day for King Louis XVI
When King Louis XVI of France was a child, he was warned by an astrologer to always be on his guard on the 21st day of each month. Louis was so terrified by this that he never did business on this day. Unfortunately Louis was not always on his guard. On June 21st 1791, following the French revolution, Louis and his queen were arrested in Varennes, whist trying to escape France. On September 21st 1791, France abolished the institution of Royalty and proclaimed itself a republic. Finally on January 21st 1793, King Louis XVI was executed by guillotine.



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Things I Have Learned From Living in North Georgia.....

Things I Have Learned From Living in North Georgia
 
  1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  2. There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in North Georgia.
  3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in North Georgia plus a couple no one's seen before.
  4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
  5. Onced and Twiced are words.
  6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.
  7. Houses have "Winders" and "Windas", never has a window been seen South of I-70.
  8. People actually grow and eat okra.
  9. "Fixinto" is one word.
  10. There is no such thing as "lunch."
  11. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
  12. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two.
  13. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you." 
  14. DJeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?" 
  15. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see. 
  16. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them. 
  17. You know the distance between stops on "The Wine Trail". 
  18. You measure distance in minutes. 
  19. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 
  20. You know who/which store has the best deal on cases of Natural Light beer. 
  21. "Fix" is a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store." 
  22. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, Vegetable, grain, insect or animal. 
  23. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 
  24. You know what a "DAWG" is.
  25. You carry jumper cables in your car . . for your OWN car.
  26. There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup. 
  27. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
  28. The first day of deer season is a state holiday. 
  29. 100 degrees Fahrenheit is "a little warm."
  30. We have four seasons:  Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
  31. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World." 
  32. A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather. 
  33. Fried catfish is the other white meat. 
  34. We don't need no stinking driver's ed . . if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.
 
 
 
If you understand these jokes please forward them to your friends from Southern Illinois (and those who just wish they were).

EVERYONE can't be a North Georgian; it takes talent. You might say it's an art form or a gift from God!
 

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

The "Death" of rights protected music is near

Maybe , just maybe this is the beginning of the end for DRM (Digital Rights Managed) music sold by the subscription model.
 
God I hope so.
 
 
an excerpt as reported in the LA Times ....
 
"As promised earlier this year, Apple unveiled an "iTunes Plus" section of its virtual music store today. How appropriate -- the song files are extra large! Of course, that's not what it's about. The Plus section contains tracks with significantly less compression (for higher fidelity) and no electronic locks (for wider interoperability). Most of the material is from EMI labels -- including a small portion of Paul McCartney's solo oeuvre, a recent addition to EMI's digital offerings -- although there are scattered offerings from some indie labels."
 
It's not everything that needs to happen, but it is a start.

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

Man Law Number 29

"I got this from the Internet. I am not the author. Having said that.......this is funny!"

-bigmike

29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

  • "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
  • "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!

"We hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

What's wrong with Microsoft Windows Vista? (from http://badvista.fsf.org/what-s-wrong-with-microsoft-windows-vista)

Dear Readers,

For those of you contemplating installing Windows Vista or thinking you can upgrade to it in the near future with your current computer, Please read the following article that can be found at :  http://badvista.fsf.org/what-s-wrong-with-microsoft-windows-vista. Mr. Sullivan makes some very compelling arguments.

Good Luck if you are going to install it anyway, but one warning to you, Be prepared to be frustrated and maddened beyond your wildest dreams. You heard it here, Vista may be here to stay, however unless you have a very compelling business related reason to do so, stick with XP.

At least they got it to work properly. Vista is definitely not ready for prime time.

You'll never see a machine I own with Vista installed, and never is a pretty strong word.

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business



What's wrong with Microsoft Windows Vista?

by John Sullivan <http://badvista.fsf.org/author/johns>  — last modified 2007-04-16 18:53

Microsoft's new Windows Vista operating system is a giant step backward for your freedoms.

Usually, new software enables you to do more with your computer. Vista, though, is designed to restrict what you can do.

Vista enforces new forms of "Digital Rights Management (DRM)". DRM is more accurately called Digital Restrictions Management, because it is a technology that Big Media and computer companies try to impose on us all, in order to have control over how our computers are used.

Technology security expert Bruce Schneier explains it most concisely <http://www.schneier.com/blog/archives/2007/02/drm_in_windows.html> :

Windows Vista includes an array of "features" that you don't want. These features will make your computer less reliable and less secure. They'll make your computer less stable and run slower. They will cause technical support problems. They may even require you to upgrade some of your peripheral hardware and existing software. And these features won't do anything useful. In fact, they're working against you. They're digital rights management (DRM) features built into Vista at the behest of the entertainment industry—And you don't get to refuse them.


DRM gives power to Microsoft and Big Media.
*       They decide which programs you can and can't use on your computer
*       They decide which features of your computer or software you can use at any given moment
*       They force you to install new programs even when you don't want to (and, of course, pay for the privilege)
*       They restrict your access to certain programs and even to your own data files

DRM is enforced by technological barriers. You try to do something, and your computer tells you that you can't. To make this effective, your computer has to be constantly monitoring what you are doing. This constant monitoring uses computing power and memory, and is a large part of the reason why Microsoft is telling you that you have to buy new and more powerful hardware in order to run Vista. They want you to buy new hardware not because you need it, but because your computer needs it in order to be more effective at restricting what you do.

Microsoft and other computer companies sometimes refer to these restrictions as "Trusted Computing." Given that they are designed to make it so that your computer stops trusting you and starts trusting Microsoft, these restrictions are more appropriately called "Treacherous Computing".

Even when you legally buy Vista, you don't own it.

Windows Vista, like previous versions of Windows, is proprietary software: leased to you under a license that severely restricts how you can use it, and without source code, so nobody but Microsoft can change it or even verify what it really does.

Microsoft says it best:

        The software is licensed, not sold. This agreement only gives you some rights to use the software. Microsoft reserves all other rights. Unless applicable law gives you more rights despite this limitation, you may use the software only as expressly permitted in this agreement. In doing so, you must comply with any technical limitations in the software that only allow you to use it in certain ways.

To make it even more confusing, different versions of Vista have different licensing restrictions.

You can read all of the licenses at http://www.microsoft.com/about/legal/useterms/default.aspx
It's painful to read the licenses, and this is often why people don't object to them.

But if we don't start objecting, we will lose valuable freedoms.

Here are some of the ridiculous restrictions you will find in your reading:

*       If your copy of Vista came with the purchase of a new computer, that copy of Vista may only be legally used on that machine, forever.
*       If you bought Vista in a retail store and installed it on a machine you already owned, you have to completely delete it on that machine before you can install it on another machine.
*       You give Microsoft the right, through programs like Windows Defender, to delete programs from your system that it decides are Spyware.
*       You consent to being spied upon by Microsoft, through the "Windows Genuine Advantage" system.
This system tries to identify instances of copying that Microsoft thinks are illegitimate. Unfortunately, a recent study indicated that this system has already screwed up in over 500,000 cases.

Free software like GNU/Linux does not require you to consent to these absurd licensing terms.

It is called free software because you are free to make as many copies as you want, and to share it with as many friends as you want. Nobody will be monitoring your actions or falsely calling you a thief.

What you can do to help protect your freedom

There is a battle underway between those who value freedom, and corporations such as Microsoft who wish to profit by taking that freedom away. DRM and absurd licenses are at the heart of that battle. Please join us on the side of freedom by saying NO not just to Windows Vista and other DRM-enabled products, but to proprietary software in general. Instead, use non-DRM, "free" software such as the GNU/Linux operating system. You can get your work done while ensuring that your rights and freedoms will not be restricted now and into the future.

As more and more of our lives become digital, it is vital that we protect our digital freedoms just like we have always worked to protect our freedom of expression in print and speech.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Reportedly a contest run by the Washington Post

The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called The "Style Invitational".  The requirements last week were to use the two words 'Lewinsky' (the Intern) and 'Kaczynski' (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.  Now, remember, the following winning entries were printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs:

Third place:
There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place:
Said Clinton to young Ms.  Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky."

And the winning entry:
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown.
 

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

Windows Vista Error Messages

Windows Vista Error Messages

The following are new Windows messages that are included in Windows Vista.

  1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
  2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
  3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
  4. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
  5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
  6. Close your eyes and press escape three times.
  7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
  8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
  9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
  10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
  11. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."
  12. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
  13. CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
  14. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
  15. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
  16. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
  17. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
  18. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)
  19. User Error: Replace user.
  20. Windows Vista1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
  21. Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...
  22. If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations. Doesn't it feel nice to have security?
  23. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted.
 

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

The Top 10 ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:

The Top 10 ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you just accept this.

4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.

6. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

7. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for years.

8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).

9. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker, instead of giving them.

10. New seats will force everyone to have the same size derriere.

 

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

A Very Skilled Mechanic

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and became an auto mechanic.

He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs adjusting?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark."

The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."
 

Thankx,

bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

Monday, May 28, 2007

Another one joins the fight !

I met a guy today in Calhoun GA, whom I would swear was me , except he didn't look or sound anything like me.

He is promoting a message concerning the latest scam offered by Microsoft (pssst- it's called "Vista", if you didn't know) that needs a lot of support and has a pretty good vision of how to get there.

Have a look at his site at http://www.wheresthewow.com/ or http://dontvista.com and let him know what you think.

May help, who knows. Lord knows I feel the same way. and you all have heard it from me over and over again.

-bigmike

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Things you never really want to hear a cop say to you

Things you never really want to hear a cop say to you
 
  1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
  2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
  3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
  4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
  5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."
  6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
  7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will ! help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
  8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
  9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
  10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
  11. "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
  12. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
  13. "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"
  14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
  15. "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
  16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
 

Thankx,

Bigmike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Children - Where Do They Get Their Ideas From?



A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive.
"Dead." she was informed.
"How do you know?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move" answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."





A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.... "Da-d...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"




An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"





One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?".

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear" she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room".
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy".




It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?".

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron.".





When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!".

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy".
"I know", she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"





A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes", he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."





One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!' ".

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?".
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: "Holy Shit! A talking chicken!".
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.



 
-bigmike

Check out HYPERLINK http://answrtek.com http://answrtek.com  my new business


No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.8/800 - Release Date: 5/11/2007 7:34 PM
 

Friday, May 11, 2007

Is Windows a Virus ?


Is Windows a virus?

With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.

  • Viruses replicate quickly.
    • Windows does this.

  • Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
    • Windows does this.

  • Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
    • Windows does this.

  • Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
    • Windows does that too.

  • Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
    • Same with Windows, yet again.


Maybe Windows really is a virus.

Nope!

There is a difference!

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.



Thankx,

Mike

Check out HYPERLINK http://answrtek.com http://answrtek.com <HYPERLINK "http://answrtek.com/"http://answrtek.com/>  my new business




No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.8/797 - Release Date: 5/10/2007 5:10 PM
 

How high should you cut the grass when you mow ?

How high should you cut the grass when you mow?

Well, there's a general rule of thumb for determining grass height, and in fall it's generally easy to stick to that rule of thumb.

An optimal height for a cool-season grass in fall is about 2 1/2 inches. And at each mowing, you should only be removing about the top 1/3 of the grass blade. Consequently, a good time to mow lawns is when your grass is about 3 2/3 inches high. Why is 2 1/2 inches an optimal grass height? Well, what you’re striving for is a balance. On the one hand, mowing the grass is like "pinching" a garden plant to stimulate rugged growth. So if you’re letting the grass get tall, you’re not mowing very much, which means you’re passing up opportunities to make your lawn healthier and more attractive.

But if you cut grass too short, you stress it.

Let me stress that it is the height the grass has attained that should determine when it's time to mow. It would be arbitrary to establish a schedule for mowing based on length of time between mowings. For instance, advising someone to "mow every other week" fails to take into account the growing conditions during that period of time. For instance, rainfall stimulates growth in lawns, so the presence or absence of rain will have a great impact on mowing frequency.

While the 2 1/2-inch height for a cool-season grass is optimal for the fall, it is hardly an absolute figure that must be adhered to throughout the mowing season. If you have a crabgrass problem, for instance, you may wish to make an adjustment in spring and summer. That’s because it is during these seasons that crabgrass, an annual weed, competes for space with your lawn grass. Some experts recommend keeping lawn grass around 3 inches tall during spring and summer.

Why? Because the extra shading that results may inhibit crabgrass enough to keep it in check. In fall, you can go back to maintaining the 2 1/2-inch height, since, by then, frost will have killed the tender crabgrass.

Thought you all would want to know.

Thankx,

Mike

Check out
http://answrtek.com  my new business

Thursday, May 10, 2007

The Rules of Golf

The Laws Of Golf
 
 
LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.
 
LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
 
LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.
 
LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
 
LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.
 
LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
 
LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
 
LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
 
LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls.
 
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?
 
LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.
 
LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
 
LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.
 
LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three).
 
LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
 
LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."
 
LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.
 
LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
 
LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.
 
LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
 

Thankx,

Mike

Check out http://answrtek.com my new business

 

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

What is Home staging?

From Wikipedia:

<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_estate>
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_staging>

Home staging is the act of preparing a private residence prior to going up
for sale in the real estate marketplace. The goal of staging is to sell a
home quickly, and for the most money possible by attracting the most amount
of potential buyers. Staging focuses on improving a property to make it
appeal to the largest amount of buyers by transforming it into a welcoming,
appealing, and attractive product for sale. Staging often raises the value
of a property by way of reducing the home's flaws, depersonalizing,
decluttering, cleaning, improving condition items, and landscaping. For
vacant homes, rental furniture is used to create a living space the buyer
could "see" themselves in. Properly executed staging leads the eye to
attractive features while minimizing flaws.

Techniques

Home staged for resale - Many techniques are used to stage a property.
De-cluttering, depersonalizing, updating old or unattractive fixtures,
painting, furniture rearrangement, rental furniture and accessorizing are
just some of the changes used to make a home more inviting to potential
buyers.

Since a typical home buyer decides if they are attracted to a home or not in
the first 8 seconds of seeing it, curb appeal is generally viewed as a vital
aspect of the staging process. Therefore, curb appeal, the practice of
improving a home's exterior appeal, is used alongside interior improvements.

It has been shown that homes containing furniture and accessories sell more
quickly than vacant homes, because the potential buyers realize what can
actually be done with the place. They may realize that the room is actually
a lot larger than it would look without furnishings. Rental of furniture and
decorative accessories is a common solution when selling brand new
properties that have never been occupied, or those where homeowners have
already vacated the property.

Spaciousness and light often determine the success of a staged home.
Typically, the larger a room appears, the better it will seem to homebuyers.
Dark, tight spaces create a poor impression and may prevent the home from
selling. Furniture layouts should create an impression of openness and
comfort. Non-essential items should be removed to minimize crowding and
clutter. Opening curtains and blinds to let in natural light and turning on
interior and exterior lights at nighttime are also common staging
techniques.

One school of thought suggests that wall treatments and flooring are most
appealing when presented in neutral colors and subtle patterns. Paint colors
should be neutral whenever possible, as bright or bold colors and strong
patterns detract from the universal appeal of a space. This rule, however,
does not always hold true, particularly in the luxury home market, where
unique fixtures and bold finishes — such as stained concrete flooring,
deeply colored textured paints and artisan fixtures — are often considered
highly desirable.

Religious items, personal photos, awards, certificates and cultural items
are often removed to downplay the presence of current homeowners. This helps
potential homebuyers to not only feel more at ease during viewings, but
allows them to focus on the property itself while also imagining their own
belongings in the space.

Thankx,

Mike

Check out http://answrtek.com

my new business


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