Getting Old SUCKS !!!

Yeah , yeah , yeah 50 is the new 40. Whatever. I wasn't all that thrilled with 40 !

Man I gotta tell ya, getting Old sucks !

Nobody really prepares you for whats coming and whats coming , well it just ain't pretty. Pretty much after you turn 50 you can just forget about and lose a whole lot of words you used to use describing yourself to others. Words like smooth, fast, fit, tight, agile, mobile uh, none of those words apply. You will never be tight or fast at anything, ever, again. You have wrinkles where just a couple of years ago you didn't even realise it was possible to have wrinkles, everything hurts all the time and all of those bad decisions you made back in the day come back and bite you on the butt.

Tackle football without pads in the park ? No problem ! Right !

Nobody tells you that sleeping becomes a secondary issue. You never get enough, it never happens when you need it and when you want to sleep. forget it. Either a kid needs you to be awake, the place you are trying to sleep in is keeping you awake, its too loud or too quiet or you just lay there watching the headlights on the highway wondering if you will ever sleep again. Did I piss off the sleep gods ?

The best thing is the tendency to notice new symptoms and marvel at how fast things you used to be able to do just...go away. Poof - You don't play baseball no more. Poof- No more football with the kids. Kazaam - climbing ladders all day long is out of the question. Hundreds of things you used to do without a second thought now are major decisions. Go bike riding ? Are you mental ? Lets go play some basketball - Seriously? I gotta go take a nap. Where did this funny mole come from ? Wow - When did my elbows start hurting ? Stupid stuff like that.

It makes you insane because the changes come with frightening quickness and your body forgot to tell you about it. You just wake up one day and you are done with something else.  Ha ha , very funny.

The worst part is how you feel on the inside versus how you look on the outside. How you look on the exterior determines how people treat you. How you feel on the inside determines how you think you should be treated. Hey ! Get that AARP mail crap outta here. WTF?

Here is a couple of examples - 

• A pretty good looking girl comes walking directly towards you and a doorway is in between you. Just as you think "I'll hold this door open for her", she grabs it and says "Here you go SIR I have the door, please go ahead." /deflation sound - ego disappears. 
• You are standing in a checkout line at a supermarket, the cashier greets you and says "Do you have one of our senior cards?" /ooooohhhhh let the cursing begin ! 
• You are at a table in a restaurant. The server walks up and says "Do you need a senior menu ? / aww man , I didn't wanna kill anybody today !

The problem is nobody let me in on the joke. I woke up today with no prior knowledge of all these changes going on every day and let me tell ya, it ain't friggin funny ! I had an easier time with the whole "PaPaw" thing. Its like being buried alive and nobody can hear you screaming from inside the coffin. Like going into surgery and they think you are asleep but you can hear and feel everything going on all around you. Inside I still feel like the same person. I have the memories of playing with my kids, but my grand kids will never know how far I could hit a baseball. Inside I still feel like me, but I bear an uncanny likeness to some old dude I've never met that sorta looks like me. I look in the mirror and think "Why am I looking in the mirror?, Oh yeah. who is this old dude staring back at me ?

I'm sure the best is yet to come. I probably haven't even scratched the surface yet on all the crap that goes on. I haven't talked at all about prostrates, doctor visits or sex.

Trust me when I say , whatever you can imagine is about what happens to some degree. None of it is good and Hugh Hefner is a friggin liar ! I don't care how much Viagra that idiot is taking every day, he is in no way the same man sexually that he was even 20 years ago, let alone half a lifetime removed. Heck I'll bet he takes Viagra in a management sense only to keep it stiff enough so it doesn't dribble on his shoes. He probably sits down to pee. 

Now I understand why all my older relatives sit around talking about aches and pains all the time.

It s all they have left.